Paige McCullers is very worried to see her girlfriend, Emily Fields, floating lifeless in a swimming pool. It is a very scary image to her, because she loves her girlfriend very much and for no other reason. It is certainly not humorous in any way.
As the EMTs are taking her out, Emily -- only Emily would -- has the wherewithal to 1) Lie to Paige and everybody about how she hurt her shoulder falling off a bike and not saving tiny friends from ghostly adversaries, and 2) Addresses her well-wishers at large, pleading to finish the race even as she is bleeding everywhere and her eyes are crossing from a concussion plus drugs. What a woman you are, Emily Fields. God I love that.
Aria: "God knows what Mona told those cops. I can see myself getting instantly tricked by anything she'd tell me anyway. She's king liar... Oh right, other people exist. Why was Toby crying so crazy when he left?"
Spencer: "The one time you actually show an interest. Irony."
Aria: "Right so back to me."
She tells the story of kissing Jake, but backwards, so none of it makes sense ("but he smells like cinnamon!") and Spencer keeps asking valid questions -- who is Jake, when did she start taking martial arts -- and the whole exchange is funny on the page, but in practice just makes Aria look like a snappy bitch, and Hanna is already being a snappy bitch this week. Oh look, here she comes now.
Hanna: "Fuck all of you. Look, a parrot."
Liars: "Whoa why do you have a parrot?"
Hanna: "Short story is, Jessica DiLaurentis is an alcoholic. Long version, it's one of those parrots that has memorized everything about Alison and her death. And this song it keeps singing that is clearly a phone number."
Spencer: "You get up to the craziest shit when we don't hang out."
Hanna: "I mean, is there anything worse than a bird?"
Hanna: "So in an unrelated flashback, turns out Ali was hooking up in Cape May and said she was with us."
Aria: "Yeah, Wilden. He knocked her up?"
Spencer: "I don't like the variables here."
Aria: "Wait, isn't the place where he died also where we pushed the car in the lake?"
Spencer: "Were you wearing heels? Then don't worry about it. Let momma think."
Hanna: "I don't want to talk about the heels. Oh shit, we need to stop talking about the heels right now."