Spencer signs in as "Mary Smith," tempting the guy to crack her code, and then asks for Room #1, which she says was recommended by a Miss Vivian Darkbloom, of the Philadelphia Darkblooms. He pretends not to recognize the name. Or at least half of him does. I feel okay laughing about the palsy because the guy is very cute. I have a thing about guys that remind me of John Ross Bowie.

*(She liked it more when I explained that Mona Vanderwaal is my Spirit Animal, because even for her very first and only episode, it is immediately obvious that this is true.)

ROOM ONE

The girls flop around with their bags and act entitled for awhile, before Spencer finally says it's time to go steal the motel's registration book: Her reasoning is that maybe Ali wasn't here to hide from A, exactly, but maybe to hide something or do something weird. Considering that Spencer and Toby did the exact same thing as Ali, to spy on Jenna, not five minutes ago -- remember how there was a recording of the recorder, and Toby took off his shirt for no reason? -- it's a little irksome that she takes most of the episode to figure out that Ali was actually there spying on A, who has been long-term renting Room Two as her private lair.

Aria: "Well, obviously I'm coming with you."
Spencer: "What now? You're volunteering to take part in this television show we are on? I am proud."
Aria: "It won't last. Ladies?"
Emily & Hanna: "The emotionally fragile lesbian and the pampered dumb blonde are not leaving this room, thanks."
A: "Which is perfect, since I'm totally watching you through a rather huge hole in the wall."

Hanna: "I'm going to take a shower, in case the Psycho parallels are too subtle."
Emily: "Cool. I'm going to get a mystery call from that person pretending to be my dead girlfriend and wander off like I always do, leaving you all alone, naked, in the middle of the actually-called-this Lost Woods."