This show's definitely been bringing the scares more reliably this year -- I'd say since about Halloween of last year -- but man, this was one for the books. It was so scary (robot murder house) and creepy (Cousin Nate going ballistic on Jenna) and oddly sad (the entire concept of Maya's life, and death).
While Ezra has found the mysterious Maggie that his mom once chased away -- and is probably raising a kid Aria's age over in Delaware -- Aria's more interested in her mother's blooming romance with Brew owner Zack. While he seems perfectly happy with their arrangement, Ella's wary of committing too quickly, so Aria swoops in and does the job for her. In the end, they agree to take it slow, but I say they'd both be pretty smart to lock this down while they can.
Emily obsesses on a note Maya left the night she died to the same degree as usual, until Hanna finds a clue on Maya's Website Page: A few shots of her standing on Noel Kahn's cabin's porch in her pajamas some morning or another. Figuring out that he was her weed dealer is not enough, so the plan is hatched to find out more about the connection between Maya and Noel Kahn. (The only other thing Hanna's got going on is, she and Caleb have decided to keep up the ruse that they're broken up, which is more complicated than it first looks.)
For her part, Spencer awesomely decides to hide in the boys' locker room at school, steal his phone and all kinds of crazy stuff, but in the end -- and tired of her bugging him all the time -- Noel Kahn sends her footage of his cabin the night of Maya's murder, which includes her getting snatched off-screen at precisely the right time to exonerate Jenna, Noel Kahn and even Garrett for her last abduction.
Okay but the real thing is that Hanna and Emily head out to the Kahn cabin by day, and discover a secret room behind a bookcase that contains evidence of a long-term prisoner -- filthy mattress, etc. -- as well as Maya's ugly huge purse, and which slams shut around them with robot strength, controlled by a villain from the outside. Oh, and her unused ticket out of town, because she never left town, because I guess she was a prisoner in the robot murder house from that time she threw a fit at the Swim Team party until the night Mona's watch went off.
Yes, this really happened, down to the bare lightbulb shorting out over their heads. Eventually Emily gets them out of there alive, but not before Hanna somehow manages to injure herself ruinously, which necessitates a housecall from the only doctor in Rosewood.
So in the end you've got Wren putting total mack on a resolute and staunch Hanna (but for how long?), Emily accidentally making out with Cousin Nate in front of Paige (it's dumb, but not as offensive as it sounds), Spencer making a weird ally of Noel Kahn and maybe Jenna, and Aria... As usual, off having scones with Ezra and ignoring everything else that's going on. Big ups to MVP Ella Montgomery and co-MVP Noel Kahn's very flattering purple shirt, and we'll see you next week. When, apparently, Paige goes off the rails, Jenna warns Em about Cousin Nate's craziness, and Ezra's babymama continues to threaten life as we know it.
The female Noel Kahn -- Cece Drake -- took Aria and Spencer to a party at the cabin belonging to the male Noel Kahn -- Noel Kahn -- and we learned that he was one of fifty million people (Jenna, Paige, and a time-traveling Holden, inclusive) that abducted Emily That Night She Kept Getting Abducted. Hanna got Caleb back, but they have yet to tell each other their newest secrets, like how she kissed Wren and how he did some hot Website Page cracking with Spence. Ella's interested in Rear Window Zack, things seem to be going well between Ashley and Pastor Ted, and Cousin Nate nearly dated Jenna -- which is confusing, since she still seems to be with Noel. Oh, and Ezra Fitz's increasingly present family is a four-alarm disaster, which duh.
Hanna: "Why are we decorating our screened-in porch right now?"
Ashley: "What, just because it's the middle of the night? That's when I like to do all my home improvements. Don't be snarky -- I spent a lot of lasagna on this giant planter with a giant tree in it."
Hanna: "Well, I refuse to help or be a party to this in any way. Oh, a mysterious note. It looks like it's on parchment and written in Elvish, so I'm assuming it's from Maya. She really loved those Tolkein books when they came out."
Emily, I'm so sorry for everything. I know we've had a disconnect lately. I hope you'll give me a chance to explain. I have to show you something. Don't call my cell, someone stole it. Meet me at...
Unluckily! The location has been washed away by rain! Or possibly from being stowed under a giant Jurassic plant for the last however long. Suffice to say Maya, despite being the New Dead Girl, does not have Alison's flair for hiding things places. No follow-through, that's the problem.
Spencer: "If we only knew when she wrote this letter, maybe we could use whatever she was going to show Emily to prove that Garrett Reynolds killed everybody that has ever died."
Aria: "You mean like how it plainly says the date on here?"
Emily: "...Oh, and it's the day she died. What are the chances. Anyway, thanks for inviting me over. I thought it was going to be a movie, but no."
EZROBAR FITZTANTINOPLE'S APT
Aria scrapes cream cheese onto a bagel as though she has never seen a bagel before, staring into space, wondering about what it would be like if somebody you knew died.