Prison Break

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Ocean's Eleven, Meet the Scylla Seven

We cut to Don Self's voice shrilling on a mobile phone: "What do you mean 'he got arrested'? What happened?" Linc is all, "Don't get bogged down in 'details,' man, just get our guy out of prison. We don't have time to come up with a plan, get Michael re-tattooed, get thrown in jail and break Mahone out ourselves. Remember Scylla?" Don Self asks, "What do you think -- every time you guys screw things up, I can just make things magically disappear?" Linc snaps, "We ain't interested in your excuses. Can you do it or not?" Don Self is about to debate this when he notices some new, mysterious guy tapping away at his computer. So Don goes charging into his office, all irritated bluster, and Brian from IT gives him a snootful of prissy didacticism with "I have level two clearance. It's what I do: I go into people's offices, I fix their computers. I just figured it was better to do it when you weren't here." Don Self does not appreciate Brian's approach in the slightest. And why should he? Even though he does not know Brian the IT guy is the same One World Conspiracy drone who closed last week's episode, Don Self at least has the brains to suspect.

When Linc comes back into HQ and announces that "Self's on it," Michael asks, " 'On it' as in he's getting Mahone out?" Linc grunts, "He said he'd handle it." Bellick wants to know, "What's there to handle? Self yanked all of us out of prison on way bigger charges. Getting Mahone out should be easy, shouldn't it?" Linc grunts that it should, but that fails to lift morale, so Michael's all, "Hello, has anyone forgotten that we have another two cardholders to go?" We get introduced to cardholder number five, one Howard Scaderi. He runs Agrisow, the world's largest agricultural conglomerate. And hey, guess which company has huge holdings in Laos? During food riots? Truly, being part of the One World Conspiracy can come in handy.

And then we get the reminder of when it does not, as we see the badly abused Gretchen getting out of a long shower. There is a montage where she looks at herself in the mirror and cries, but she soon gets over that and gets back into her usual mode: barely contained, murderous rage overlaid with a thin veneer of calm. We then see her sister Rita downstairs going over reading homework with her daughter, and the minute Gretchen walks in, Rita sends her girl out again. Gretchen watches her go with some sadness. Rita offers Gretchen a sandwich ("Thank you," Gretchen says, with surprising demureness). As Gretchen gulps it down, Rita prods for information on what happened. Gretchen unconvincingly lies about her car breaking down in the desert, and her lie is so bad, I get distracted and notice that she's now sporting a really nice manicure with unchipped gold nail polish. So she had time to do her nails in the bathroom? Good for her! Gretchen then asks, "Do you still have that owl? That I sent from Germany? I need to see it." Rita brings it out of a display cabinet, and Gretchen drops it on the counter, revealing the stash of ammo, credit cards, cash and a firearm she had secreted inside. Rita looks as if she can't decide what's more appalling: the fact that her sister's been storing shady stuff in the house, or that her sister broke what had been a charming Old Country souvenir. Rita says, "You don't work for the IRS." "I don't," Gretchen deadpans. Rita asks, "Who do you work for?" Gretchen replies, "As of now? Myself." Oh, the One World Conspiracy better watch -- wait, what am I saying? The only thing Gretchen has managed to actually do right on this show is break out of prison. Everything else has gone pear-shaped on her. She's going to make a terrible freelancer.

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Prison Break

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