Prison Break

Episode Report Card
Mr. Sobell: B- | 1 USERS: A+
Perhaps a new team captain?

Geary is in the midst of conducting his prison-cell open house. "Middle cell," he tells a con who looks suspiciously like James "Scotty" Doohan. "Cold in the summer. Warm in the winter." Scotty inquires about asking price; Geary informs him that it's a seller's market. Scotty offers him $200 and an autographed copy of Shatner's "The Transformed Man." And we have a deal -- Geary advises Scotty to get back to his cell so he can work on transferring title and handling all the other messy paperwork that's endemic to real estate transactions.

Ah, but upon close inspection, Scotty notices the toilet's leaking -- not surprising, what with there being an escape tunnel behind it and all. Nevertheless, that's not the sort of thing the cautious home buyer should let slide without first making a counter-offer. Geary assures his client that he'll put in a work order and that the toilet will be replaced in 24 hours -- because Team Escarpara doesn't have enough on their plate these days.

T-Bag has been eavesdropping all this time. "I heard you was moving some real estate," he drawls to Geary, who tells him that the transaction has been completed. Foolish Geary -- this is your chance to start a bidding war, thus driving up the property values for all the surrounding cells! Geary stomps off, leaving T-Bag to stare mournfully at the toilet that might have been his gateway to a new life of depravity and turpitude. Which is sad. I guess. Sort of.

Commercial break: You know when the producers of The Sentinel realized they needed someone to play a grim-faced federal agent who waves around a gun a lot and looks incredulous at every single plot twist, how long do you think it took Kiefer Sutherland's phone to ring? Forty seconds? Twenty? I have a bet with the missus.

Back in the cell block, Westmoreland is showing off a pocket-watch containing a baby picture of his daughter to C-Note and talking sadly about the heartache of outliving both your spouse and daughter. The latter has a week, maybe two to live, Westmoreland reminds us. Since no scene of human suffering is complete without T-Bag, in saunters the man himself to utter this show's recurring catchphrase: "We've got a problem." T-Bag informs his fellow team members that Chateau de Scofield is about to get a new resident who, sadly, doesn't find the leaky toilet to his meticulous standards. "They move that toilet," T-Bag begins. "They find the hole," Westmoreland says. These two must really clean up in those prison-wide Password competitions I hear so much about.

C-Note scoffs when he learns that the cell has commanded a $200 asking price. "You had me scared there for a second," he says, before seeking out Geary to make a counter-offer of double the price. Geary tells C-Note he's getting $250 -- wasn't that $200 before the commercial break? -- making the going rate $500. "Ain't a problem," C-Note replies confidently.

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Prison Break




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