Hey, remember last year, when Abruzzi got his throat cut, and we all thought he was dead and mourned him as such? Well, at least we got a head start on the grieving process. Because this time, Abruzzi really is dead, felled in a hail of gunfire after Agent Mahone lures him out of hiding by using the long-forgotten mob informant Fibonacci as bait. Farewell, John Abruzzi -- may angels carry you and your ever-changing European accent off to your eternal reward.
Meanwhile, Bellick and Geary capture Michael and Linc but, because they are Bellick and Geary, are almost instantly out-witted by Michael and Linc. Nika continues to prove useful to the brothers' escape plan up until she decides to double-cross them, at which point she reveals that she graduated magna cum laude from the Brad Bellick School of Planning. T-Bag continues his multi-state killing spree, Michael catches up with Sarah via a cell phone call, and Tweener gets himself a little non-Avocado lovin', courtesy of Debra Jean, who is most definitely not Mormon. Things keep happening on this show! In a way, you have to envy Abruzzi, who's above all this hustle and bustle now.
We begin in a small town where the local peace officers are quizzing assorted yokels about an abandoned car, as T-Bag comes limping out of the loo. It's a very odd way to begin an episode because the cops and T-Bag are talking about the abandoned SUV in such a way as to suggest that this is a continuation of an earlier scene, and, for a moment, I wonder if the makers of Prison Break are going all Memento on us, and showing us scenes out-of-sequence. You know, like that episode of Seinfeld from the final season when it wasn't all that funny anymore. And then I realize that the show is starting this way because my TiVo didn't record the first 20 minutes of the show, thinking it would be time-shifted because of the President's "Booga booga! You're all going to die if you don't vote Republican! Booga booga!" speech that night. Only out here in Hippie Land, we choose to air our shows on time.
Well, crap. Excuse me for a moment...
[Firing up the iTunes Store. Downloading Prison Break for $1.99. Tapping fingers with much agitation. Opening up Word document... ]
Dear President Bush:
You owe me two dollars. I expect the payment to be made in two crisp $1 bills and not one of those phony-baloney $2 bills that make convenience store clerks stare at me as if I'm trying to pay them in Monopoly money. I suggest you pay up promptly.
You pal, Mr. Sobell
OK... download's done. We begin with a car speeding its way through corn country, as Michael and Linc make their mad dash to freedom and Nika tags along to pester them with questions. "What happens when you get to Mexico?" she asks. "Where will you go?" "It's best if you don't know," says Michael, although we're rapidly moving past the aiding-and-abetting-known-fugitives charge and into part-of-the-gang territory. "It's best for everyone." Michael promises to drop Nika off in the next town and wire her the $10,000 as per their ever-shifting arrangement. Before Nika can say, "What? No tacky knick-knack bought from a Tijuana street vendor just to sweeten the pot?" Linc notes that they have company -- a rapidly accelerating late-model sedan that doesn't seem to be at all deterred by the laws of physics that discourage two bodies from occupying the same space at the same time. The sedan rear-ends the Scofield Mobile, prompting Michael to demand, "Who is it?" several times. As if to answer his cries, the sedan pulls up alongside, revealing the caked-in-bacon-grease visage of Brad Bellick. Some smashy-smashies, one near-miss with an 18-wheeler, and several twists, turns, and swerves later, Bellick and his new sidekick Geary manage to run the Scofield Mobile off the road, through a trio of mailboxes, and into a tree. Poor rural residents who've lost their mailboxes -- now how will they get their Sears & Roebuck catalogues before the holiday shopping season? While we ponder the injustices of the rural mail delivery system, Michael, Linc, and Nika struggle to emerge from their smashed-up car. They needn't bother -- Bellick is quickly on the scene firing a pistol into the air, and shouting, "Nobody move!" at anyone who will listen.