Prison Break
First Down

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Mr. Sobell: B- | Grade It Now!
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Abruzzi -- dead!

Our tour of the seedy motels of middle America continues, as we cut to the roadside lodge where T-Bag, Jerry, and Jerry's soon-to-be harassed teenaged daughter have put up for the night. The daughter is sitting by the pool when T-Bag saunters up and... you know what? This is no reflection on Robert Knepper, who does a fabulous job playing a villainous character, or even the show Prison Break itself. But scenes where under-aged kids are menaced by sexual predators? Not nearly the entertaining diversion TV producers seem to think they are. In fact, one could make a compelling case that such scenes are exploitative and cheap. And so, I will deprive this scene of the honor of receiving my attention. You know the drill -- T-Bag flirts with the young lady, he makes an inappropriate move toward her, she recoils in horror and runs off to tell Dad, and T-Bag makes the "Oh, there's going to be trouble" face. Let's move on to less morally repellant matters, shall we?

In the hotel room, Jerry is apparently as bothered as I am by scenes that place underage children in sexual peril -- particularly when it's his underage child. "She's got it all wrong," T-Bag pleads. Jerry suggests that his daughter go wait outside and then grabs an iron -- presumably not to get those pesky wrinkles out of his shirt. "You and I are going to work this out," Jerry says. T-Bag suggests that Jerry is taking an unwise course of action: "You really don't want to do this." Pretty bold talk for a guy who, just a few days ago, was carrying around one of his hands in a convenient tote bag.

We move from one unpleasant tableau to a scene that's unpleasant for an entirely different set of reasons -- it's Nika and Bellick, and she's... um... helping him make his own gravy. Her shirt's off and she's writhing around on his lap, and Bellick is making grunting noises -- well, different grunting noises than the ones he usually makes. And, if you don't mind, I think I'm going to recap the rest of this scene while averting my eyes and thinking about baseball scores. "The thing I like about you is your determination," Bellick pants. Hey, that's a really nice shade of yellow we painted the wall last year. Nika starts talking about her family, and Bellick asks if they know what line of work she's in. "They think I work at Starbucks," she says, planting a sloppy kiss on Bellick's sloppier mug. And you know who a really underrated team was? The 1957 Milwaukee Braves. Nika continues to writhe on Bellick and... OH GOD, WHEN WILL THIS SCENE BE OVER? Right about when Nika reaches for Bellick's gun, apparently. The lap dance comes to an abrupt halt, as Bellick shoves Nika off of him. "How stupid do you think I am?" he demands. I assume you want the answer to that question in the form of an essay; will I be graded on spelling and grammar?

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Prison Break

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