After Stolte leaves, Sucre goes to make a run for it. Unfortunately, he barely gets a few yards before the lights go on. Sucre immediately drops to his knees, shouting, "Please don't shoot! Don't shoot!" The guards are unmoved by his politeness.
Commercials. I like how Domino's is debuting a new, larger pizza for our new, larger nation.
When we come back, Bellick is practically giddy from the delightful prospect of being able to legitimately abuse an inmate. First, he tells Sucre, "The state of Illinois doesn't look too kindly upon prisoners who try to escape." Does any state in the union? Bellick then helpfully points out that should he decide Sucre was trying to escape, charges would be filed and another dime would get added to Sucre's sentence. Sucre protests that he wasn't trying to escape. Narrowly interpreted, that statement is not a lie. In fact, Sucre could truthfully assert that he was trying to get back to his cell. Bellick says mockingly, "You're just out there howling at the moon." As Bellick grabs Sucre by the throat and bids him to begin talking -- which seems like sort of an unfair set-up, if you ask me -- another CO checks around the corner to make sure nobody's around to see this. Sucre decides he doesn't really need that last lungful of air, and he gasps that he stayed out in the yard under the bleachers so he could get a package that was getting sent over the walls.
Panting nearly as hard as Sucre is -- and boy, can that dependent clause be taken out of context -- Bellick points out that a drug charge is nearly as severe as an escape charge. Sucre protests that it wasn't drugs, and Bellick shouts, "Then what the hell was it?" Bellick flings Sucre toward the other guard and orders him to search Sucre. What the CO turns up…is Annie the Tranny's bloomers. Sucre tries to look like he's dismayed, but he actually looks pretty pleased that this is going to plan. Bellick says incredulously, "A pair of [underwear]? A pair of [underwear]? You risked going to the SHU for a pair of [underwear] -- hell, you risked adding extra time to your bid, all for a pair of panties?" "They lift and cradle my tushie! They're the only thing that keeps me looking so good in these prison blues," Sucre protests. Oh, he does not. Instead, he assumes a gooey expression and says plaintively, "My girl just wanted me to know she was thinking about me, boss." This is especially plaintive when you consider that whatever's passing between Maricruz's ears probably has nothing to do with Sucre. Bellick fondles the panties, then says, "You got a real beefer on your hands, don't you?" Sucre cringes like he's heard fat-girlfriend jokes for years, then says, "It's the dumbest thing I've ever done. I'm just scared that being here, I'm going to lose her." "Son, if these drawers are any indication, you couldn't lose her from space," snickers Bellick. Or not -- when have you known him to be quippy? He actually goes for what he perceives as the humiliating move -- sniffing the crotch of the panties -- and God only knows how Sucre keeps from snickering over the sight of Bellick inhaling Annie the Trannie's drawers. Well, he'll have plenty of time to laugh to himself in the SHU.