Back in Tooele, Linc and his billowing shirt cross the street, followed by the nattily-attired Michael. As they approach the building, Linc balks, but Michael soothes him with, "Stay calm and we'll be out of here in ten minutes." So then, in a ha-ha-oh-that's-Alanis-Morisette-ironic twist, Linc sails on through the building's metal detector while Michael is detained for his watch. He attempts to take it off without revealing his tattooed wrists, but going from the guard's furrowed brow, it's not clear whether he succeeds. The guys sprint to the map room. As Michael pages through a book, explaining, "This is exactly what we need. It's a map -- parcels of land, topography, buildings, everything ... " Linc gives him a look like Muttering about how you need a map isn't at all suspicious. Dork. The clerk is giving Michael the fisheye too. Linc notices that right as Michael whispers excitedly, "Karl Kolkosa! Double K!" (Aw! I love how Michael's excitement at solving a problem successfully just pops out.) However, Michael's elation is short-lived because the map he needs, map 1213, happens to have been torn out of the book. Linc is increasingly nervous, and he prods Michael into going. The two of them are sort of wigging out -- Linc over the prospect of getting caught, Michael over his beautiful solution being thwarted -- and we get a full 20 seconds of Michael giving the camera the Blue Steel. And then it's commercial time.
Or it would be, if I weren't watching this via my iTunes download. Just pretend this is the seventh-inning stretch.
When we get back, Linc is striding down the hall with the shirt unbuttoned halfway to his navel and his chest gleaming very purposefully. Michael bobs along in the wake of all this testosterone and says, "Someone got to the map before us. It's the only explanation." They both look out a window and finally see T-Bag strolling along. Linc notes flatly that "the son of a bitch is still alive."
Then the two of them execute what can only be Lincoln's plan: as Michael strides out in plain sight of T-Bag, prompting him to yell, "Hey, pretty!," Linc sneaks up behind T-Bag and gets him in a headlock, snarling, "What you going to do -- scream?" They round a corner, and Linc expresses his disgust at T-Bag's tenacity by tossing him on the hood of a car. Michael saunters up and says, with a smirk on his face and an exaggerated drawl in his voice, "What'd you do to yo' haaaaand?" In between whimpers, T-Bag turns to look at Michael and deadpans, "I recently had some work done." Haaaaaa. Linc gets a little pushy when he asks where the map is; as T-Bag is bounced on the hood of the car, he protests that he doesn't have it. Eventually, the boys let T-Bag stand up, and he pins the blame on Tweener, saying the little thief lifted it. T-Bag is also an evil genius; I sort of wish he and Kellerman could go head to head because I think it would be interesting to see how that would go. It would sort of be like having a shark wrestle an alligator, you know?