Getting back on track now! The upshot of that scene is Mahone used his big brain to figure out that Michael's grand final step in his escape plan is scheduled for my brother's birthday.
Then we head south of the border, down Mexico way. An employee de la oficina de turismo de la Ciudad de Mexico is delivering bad news to Sucre and Bellick: there's no record of Dr. T-Bag Stammel in the flight manifests. He suggests that the two check the buses and car rentals.
Bellick impatiently asks what's the haps, and Sucre tells him, "Nothing -- same as the rest." Bellick whips out his rent-a-badge and smarms, "Well, maybe he don't comprende. What's Spanish for INS?" Sucre smacks down Bellick's badge hand and tells him, "Don't be stupid. We're in Mexico -- you're the illegal one here." Bellick blusters about how he, as the long arm of the law, can make it tough for any of the guy's family up north. Sucre gently bangs his head on the ticket counter. Then he appeals to the guy in Spanish: "I hate this gringo, but I need him. My girl's in trouble -- my baby too. The individual we're looking for is the only person that can save my family. He's traveling under the name E. Stammel. Please, if you hear anything, call [my mobile phone]. I'll be forever grateful." Bellick stands by and fumes over not being able to understand a word.
Then we zip over to the Hotel Cielo Lindo, a posh place with creamy white stucco, lush lawns... and T-Bag in a hotel room, cooing up at a woman who brings him a margarita, "Oh, you are too good to me, Susie-Q." Oh, no. Just stop it. T-Bag muses, "How did I get so lucky?" and a woman in a Susan-like wig turns around and simpers in strongly-accented English, "Oh, no, Teddy Bear. I'm the lucky one." I will repeat again: Stop it. Now.
The show just won't listen to me. T-Bag comes over, kisses the woman and says, "The day I met you was the day I was born." The woman laughs politely and tells him they're out of time. His eyes closed, T-Bag says, "No, Susan. We got our whole lives together." And then, we get into the world's most awkward negotiation between hooker and john, as T-Bag wants to continue to pay to keep the fantasy rolling, and the hooker tells him, "I would really feel better if you paid me up front." T-Bag snarls, "And I told you up front that if you did this right, I would take care of you, so... " So quit puncturing my fantasy with your real-life demands, lady, his face finishes. Having caught the strong scent of Crazy wafting on the breeze, the hooker tries to get out by telling T-Bag he only paid for an hour and the hour is up. She tells him if he wants more, he needs to pay up front. T-Bag then flies into a hissy over his fantasy having been disrupted. The hooker pulls off the wig, snapping, "I don't know who this Susie-Q bitch is, but no wonder she wants nothing to do with you." Well! T-Bag will put up with a lot, but only he gets to treat Susan as anything less than royalty. And then... well, he's one murderous little one-armed bastard is what he is.