This season has officially gotten 100% better. Why? Kellerman's back! And he's as magnificent a bastard as ever, because he's posing as a 12-stepping addict in order to get close to the rehabbing Dr. Sara. Well-played, my little shark prince. Well-played.
Unfortunately, this episode got worse for nearly everyone else. Sucre finds out that Maricruz is about to marry Hector, but he hangs up the phone before hearing the critical words "...in Las Vegas." So he steals a car, almost gets caught by the cops in Pennsylvania, eventually catches a train, then makes it back to Bed-Stuy...just in time to learn that he's got only a few days to crash the wedding in Las Vegas.
C-Note's wife has finally figured out that he wasn't in Iraq. He has to talk his angry woman down, then he goes and gets all schmoopy with his daughter, which is very sweet but also very dumb, as Mahone & Co. are all over that family. In fact, one of Mahone's underlings is currently working on Mrs. C-Note, who looks mad enough to sing about her husband's whereabouts.
Also, we see the introduction of the subplot best titled "Grumpy Old Men," as a chance encounter in a convenience store leads to Bellick and Geary's teaming up as bounty hunters. This promises to be entertaining.
Finally, Michael manages to heal Lincoln with a big jar of cayenne pepper (really), liberate the car -- but not the backpack that had all the stuff they needed -- and stage a dramatic, fiery car crash. Although Mahone's all squinty and resigned-looking at the end of the episode, it's not certain whether he really believes Scofield and Burrows perished in an accident.
So we begin at a smoking car wreck. The car's upended, the rescue personnel are all thinking, "We don't really need a stretcher so much as we need a bucket and spatula," and Mahone's standing there with an inscrutable look on his chiseled mug. The ME comments, "You do all that work, break out of prison, and you die at the bottom of a ditch. Kind of sad, really. So which one of them was it?" Mahone can't bring himself to answer, as he's in the throes of a flashback to twelve hours ago...
...When he was in the Chicago FBI headquarters. We get another shot of the bulletin board with everyone's mug shots on it, just in case we've forgotten who's escaped. Agent Lang tells Mahone they've got an eye on all the hospitals, adding, "If they've got Band-Aids and Bactine, we've got a body in there." Also, Lang and team are still spying on the convicts' families. Mahone pulls some more of his "I'm in their head"-fu and asks, "Whatâs the hardest thing in the world for a con to do?" The answer to that, it appears, is "Nothing." Mahone continues, "Few things in life are certain -- death, taxes, and the fact that a man on the run will make a mistake some time in the first 72 hours." So how many episodes do we have before Michael's out of that window of danger? I can never track time on this show. As Mahone carries on about how convicts will inevitably get caught while they're arranging a set of wheels or whatever, he's all up in Lang's face. She looks like she is not sure whether to be frightened or thrilled.
Speaking of people who are never quite sure how to act around a dude who stares a lot...it's Nika! She's answering the door in her apartment, and it's Michael, supporting Lincoln. "I need your help," he says. "I will be more than happy to assist you boys out of your clothes," she replies. Oh, she does not. But I'm betting more than one of you would say that if these two showed up on your doorstep asking for favors.
As Michael barrels in with the groaning Linc, he asks, "Cayenne pepper?" Nika's all, "What? You leave prison and the first thing you want to do is cook gumbo?" Michael asks for the cayenne pepper again. He also asks for rubbing alcohol, towels, and painkillers. This is going to be really interesting gumbo. From the couch, Linc pipes up that he would like some booze, please. Nika hustles.
Over the next few seconds, Michael cleans up Linc's wound and explains to the complaining Linc, "If we keep moving, that leg keeps bleeding. If that leg keeps bleeding, we're not getting out of Illinois." He then takes advantage of the fact that Linc's just swallowed an handful of pills with a vodka chaser: first, Michael douses the wound with rubbing alcohol, then he digs out the bullet. Nika gets on his case about how he shouldn't come by, and she's grateful and all, but -- and Michael, who is elbow-deep in his brother's gore and trying to concentrate and all, bursts out, "Yeah, I know, this wasn't part of our deal, I KNOW." He then apologizes like crazy. We cut to Linc, who is looking a little woozy from the massive dose of depressants that just hit. Nika tells him that she was worried; she had hoped the Bros. Burrows/Scofield would have been south of the border, down Mexico way, by now.