Babes Behind Bars! (And Michael's Not One of Them)
Sucre, dressed in a painters' overalls, manages to distract Daniels with his cock-and-bull story about being from American Paint Company long enough to gain entry to the house. This sends Daniels and his briefcase full of Von Baldy's cash into the garage and an SUV. Unfortunately for Daniels, Linc is there. He cocks a gun and orders, "Get out." I am so disappointed that he has yet to break out the LINCOLN SMASH. This complete-sentences-speaking, tool-using primate is practically a stranger.
We cut to Mahone driving Michael to the parachute store (or close enough, for our purposes). Michael's left a DVD on the seat, and Mahone looks all haunted. (Somewhere, Lang looks up from he work, absolutely haunted by the prospect of this. All in good time, lady.) So he calls Michael back over and tells him, "There's a better way."
Back inside the prison, the guards are busy summoning everyone to the mess hall. Gretchen wanders over to Dr. Sara and asks, "Got any ideas?" Dr. Sara's first idea to have Gretchen hang out with her until she can think of something else. Gretchen tells her sotto voce to think of something fast, because they've got company. Daddy's out of the SHU.
We transition to the cafeteria, and as Gretchen grabs her tray, she tells Dr. Sara, "I hope you're ready for a fight, princess. This one's to the death." As they sit, Dr. Sara asks Gretchen if she can overpower the short-haired guard. Sure, Gretchen can. But she advises Dr. Sara to watch out for Daddy and her family. Daddy is displaying shocking table manners, on account of sitting on top of the table. The badass effect is slightly mitigated by the fact that she's attempting to look menacing while holding a Sprite. One doesn't respect a decaffeinated prison queenpin quite so much.
Over in the men's prison, General Von Baldy's on the payphone asking Daniels, "I got the message about the birthday present. Was the gift earned?" Daniels is sporting a slash along one cheek and a cold compress along his neck, thereby implying an off-camera LINCOLN SMASH. I feel so cheated. And in addition to being robbed by two menacing bald guys, Daniels now has to explain to a third that he's spouting nonsense. "The birthday present? Two guys showed up at my house, they took the money and they beat the crap out of me," Daniels snaps. General Von Baldy slams down the phone in anger. T-Bag comes over, looking excessively pleased with himself, and oozes, "Howdy, General. I just thought I'd let you know I came into some green. My personal preference is two Zagnut bars and a copy of The Times. So I'll see you in the A.M.?" General Von Baldy promptly casts aspersions upon T-Bag's parenthood, then invites him to take the Virgil-guided tour of the netherworld. T-Bag says, "Careful I don't get there first, lest I become king of that prison too." That's our T-Bag, with his "'Tis better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven" philosophy.