MONDO EXTRAS

On the outside, Michael's already freaking over his honeymoon being cut short by the long arm of the law, and when his lawyer "Blue Phillips" calls to tell him that Dr. Sara was fed poisoned meatloaf, that does not help his mood.

So off he goes to meet with General Von Baldy. The general takes this development with his usual sangfroid: "If I had a list of all the people who might come visit me, your name would be somewhere at the bottom, right below Jesus Christ and Scooby Doo." Don't fool yourself, General. Scooby would never make it past security, not with his stoner BFF and their alleged "Scooby snacks." Michael snaps, "Someone tried to poison Sara today." The general feigns shock: "Mercy!" Michael continues, "Only you would be depraved enough to think that killing an innocent woman and her unborn child would bring you some measure of peace before your execution." The General is delighted to learn that Dr. Sara is knocked up, because it will just make his revenge upon Michael all the more savory: "Michael, if you were killed, your pain would last a moment. If Sara were killed, your pain would last the rest of your life."

We cut to Michael meeting with the lady warden, who is so supremely unconcerned about this whole scenario (and how it might look in the press) that her only answer is, "Prison life can be tough." Michael loses his cool, yelling, "I don't think you understand -- she's not safe here!" The lady warden doesn't care. Apparently, her job is simply to warehouse live bodies, not take any responsibility for their welfare. By the way, the state of Florida has a 63% recidivism rate according to the U.S. Department of Justice. (I'm now wondering if anyone on the staff had an unfortunate first-hand observation of the Florida penal system, which is why this version is populated by people who make Bellick look like Jimmy Carter. Michael's entreaties for Dr. Sara's safety are interrupted by his inconvenient nosebleed, and the lady warden reiterates what a clod she is.

Michael heads home and tells Lincoln and Sucre, "The general wants Sara dead and the warden's just going to let it happen." Lincoln says their lawyer will be a big help, a statement I find especially amusing given how much help his ex-girlfriend the lawyer wasn't when he was unjustly framed and sitting on death row. Michael concludes that he'll be breaking out Dr. Sara before anyone can kill her.