Welcome back, Prison Breakateers! When last we watched the show, we learned that Lincoln and Michael's mom had faked her own death so she could ditch the kids for life in the One World Conspiracy's employ. We also found out that Dr. Sara Gets Stuff Done, what with her dramatic rescue of Michael from the would-be brainwashers holding him hostage in a rustic mountain retreat, and that Linc feels beholden to the One World Conspiracy on account of him not being a complete moron and correctly concluding that a vast and shadowy underground organization with tentacles extending to every continent might not be the one to double-cross when you've promised to fetch them the data bauble you spent the first 80% of the TV season stealing. One can only presume FOX decided the show called for a four-month hiatus because we few devoted watchers were going to need every minute of it in order to reassemble our blown-out logic circuits.
So this episode: Michael and Dr. Sara try to make their way from Arizona to Miami without getting killed by One World Conspiracy stooges or Christina Scofield-sponsored stooges. This is surprisingly challenging for two people who have, between them, two prison break-outs, two torture-session survivals, one tumor, an overdose, and heaven knows how many months of life on the run. Michael and Dr. Sara eventually manage to outwit the stooge who has truck-jacked them, and find out that he was sent by Christina Scofield.
Half a continent away, the One World Conspiracy thoughtfully reminds Team Linc that they've got their collective nuts in a vise grip, and this sets Lincoln back on the path to fetch Scylla. After enduring a Michael Scofield hissy over the phone, Lincoln taps the brain trust on his team (i.e. Mahone) to help narrow down would-be Scylla locations, and that is how he ends up finding one of his mother's safehouses. Via an elaborately faked photo, Christina Scofield guides Lincoln to a bar set in the middle of a Heart video, if the billowing clouds of fog, inexplicable presence of chrome, and flowy garments are any indication. There, Mama Dearest makes her pitch: help her take over the One World Conspiracy, and she'll make sure the organization leaves Lincoln and Michael alone. Lincoln falls for it, the big dope.
(By the way, as part of her plan to turn the One World Conspiracy into some maternal paradise, Christina attempts to kill General Von Baldy via exploding car. Note that I wrote "attempts." If Christina thought General Von Baldy was bloodthirsty before…)
But! Mahone, T-Bag and Don Self track down another of Christina's locations and manage to find a cache of weapons and holographic security cards in a storefront church; these are linked to "a woman" who came down there once. When Lincoln tells them all that things'll be cool once his Mom takes over the One World Conspiracy, all three men voice their doubts about someone who's asking for just enough time to let the date on those ID cards expire. Lincoln follows through on it, and we get an ambiguous scene about how indeed, Lincoln and Michael are really threats to whatever Christina is planning. The episode ends with Christina ordering a sniper to take out Linc. Remember: she's the kinder, gentler face of the One World Conspiracy!
Line of the night: "You think you know what the [One World Conspiracy] is? It's a body that bends to the will of the head. And right now that head is bloodthirsty and war-hungry, because that's who General Von Baldy is. But what if a woman, a mother, ran it?" -- Christina Scofield, incorrectly guessing that Lincoln's grasp of history is sufficiently scanty as to let him fall for this patently sexist nonsense. - Sobell
Can someone figure out Prison Break if they've never seen it? Our vlogger makes an attempt.
Oh, the twists and turns life can sometimes take. When last we left Michael Scofield, he had just been whisked off to a cabin 60 miles outside of Los Angeles, where he was making a surprisingly swift recovery after brain surgery. Well, wouldn't you know it -- your regular recapper Sobell is recovering from some brain surgery of her own, only she's not as quick a healer as the resilient Mr. Scofield. (Prison Break has inaccurate portrayals of major surgical procedures? Unacceptable!) She's doing fine, but capturing the finer details of Prison Break playing out the string is beyond her ken right now, so I'm filling in for this one episode, anyhow. Too bad I stopped paying close attention to this show about the time the gang got thrown into that prison in Panama -- a plot development I liked better when it was called "Season One." Ah well, I'm sure I'll be able to pick it up quickly -- this ain't brain surgery.
You know, if my life starts to mirror the shows I recap, does that mean I'm going to be unceremoniously canceled soon? I hope to hell I can wrap things up less stupidly than Life on Mars...
Anyhow, to business: Team Scylla is still in Miami, but they've apparently managed to get their mail forwarded to them -- there's a bunch of manila envelopes addressed to Linc, Mahone, T-Bag and Don Self. Judging by Mahone's angry reaction to the contents of his envelope, it's not a congratulatory letter from the Publisher's Clearing House people. It's pictures of everyone's family -- T-Bag's sainted mother, the Mahone clan, LJ, and, in Don Self's case, some lady we've never seen before. (If this is the lovely Mrs. Self, ol' Don has clearly married above his station.) A quick call to General Von Baldy confirms what you've probably already figured out -- the photos are intended to motivate our motley crew to step up their Scylla retrieval efforts. This is what you're fighting for, boys! Because if you fail, we'll kill them! Interestingly, I believe Wal-Mart uses this technique for its mid-level executives.
Linc brings General Von Baldy up to date on the action thus far, just in case he hasn't been paying attention since... oh, let's say December. Team Scylla arrived in Miami, killed the guy who was trying to buy Scylla, and lifted a couple of keys off his still-warm corpse. That get everyone up to speed? Not quite, according to the General: There's a new competitor trying to get his mitts on Scylla, and he answers to the name of... Michael Scofield. That can't be, Linc protests, because Michael is in the company's care, getting treatment for his brain thingy. Yes, well, apparently Michael's healing powers are greater than the General, the Company, and the whole of medical science possibly realized -- he's wandering around central Arizona right now with the company on his tail. "If you speak to Michael," General Von Baldy hisses, "tell him to find a very good hiding place. Because if any of my men spot him, they've been given a green light." Seems counter-productive to the life-saving medical procedure you just had performed on him, but hey... You're the general, dude.