And now, time for the plot that can be summed up in one paragraph. To the great surprise of no-one, it's Sucre's turn this week. However, the paragraph format grows tiresome, so let's engage in a series of skits.
Sucre: Hey, Tia! I realize I am a fugitive and all, but surely it's no problem to put me and the pregnant girlfriend up for a while? Like, in our own room? You've got no legal or religious qualms with that, right?
Tia Conveniencia: Honey, I'm just thrilled to see you. But aren't you going to introduce me to your lady friend by name?
Sucre: I usually swoon when I do that.
Tia Conveniencia: I can lift with the legs if you hit the ground.
Sucre: Very well -- it's... Maricruz. [swoons].
Maricruz: Was that the wind between my ears or did Sucre hit the ground again?
Tia Conveniencia: ... both?
[Time passes. Sucre and Maricruz are playing hide-the-fugitive, if you know what I mean.]
Sucre: So how long can we go before I fall prey to some dreadful urban legend? I don't want the kid grabbing my, you know.
Maricruz: Then we probably don't need to worry until I'm in labor. Maybe even pushing.
Sucre: Did you just insult me?
Maricruz: Ummm... oh, hey, I felt the baby move!
Sucre: Isn't it a little early for that?
Maricruz: Not at all! Didn't you see that episode of Beverly Hills, 90210 where Ohn-drea had the same thing happen so she didn't have an abortion?
Sucre: Usually, women are, like, in the second trimester and, showing. I don't mean showing ribs, I mean showing baby.
Maricruz: Who are you going to believe -- medical science or an Aaron Spelling show?
Sucre: You win this round, Maricruz! [swoons].
Back on the less tedious plot... it's the T-Bag show! He and the shrink walk alike, they talk alike... oh, could it be? Are they a crazy pair? T-Bag is crying as he says, "What I'm trying to tell you, doc, is I feel like I've been a penny on the train tracks my entire life. And that ol' Union-Pacific just keeps comin' every day, back and forth, running me over. But I will not flatten! I will not flatten." The shrink -- who sounds a lot like T-Bag, says, "One of the nice things about pennies, Mr. Webster? They have dates on them. And you can pick the date. Your own date, today's date. You can get a fresh start. You can be a brand-new, shiny penny." I ask you, doesn't this seem like the kind of conversation the crazy side of your brain has with the sane one? Wouldn't such an outlandish conceit be absolutely perfect for this character, since he's already gone down the "cannibals-et-mah-cousin!" road of full-bore Dixie dementia?









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