Private Practice

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Mollie: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Rejection Saddens Vulnerable People

We cut to fancy-dress Sam in conversation with a patient. "You've been sick a lot this year. Now, my exam didn't turn up anything, medically. What else has changed this year?" The sad-sack guy he's addressing replies, "I'm going bald," and an unseen crowd titters. As Sam turns out to address the source of this laughter, the camera swings around behind him, and we see he's in a television studio. He talks to the audience about his book and its discussion of the "mind-body connection," and he definitely doesn't seem nervous. Addison stands off to the side, eating Cheetos and watching Sam on a monitor. Sam tells the audience, and the balding guy, that "the mind is messing with the machine," and balding-guy's non sequitur response is, "You think the ladies are lining up to choose me over some guy with hair?" I, um, what? We cut to a group of ladies in the audience, who chuckle indulgently. What the hell kind of TV show is this? Taping live, in the morning, with a small studio audience but no host...good-looking doctor using pseudomedicine to hawk a book... This is an infomercial, isn't it? Oh, Sam. Sam says, "Look at my head." He rubs it affectionately. "Bald is beautiful! Bald is sexy!" Beautiful, sexy, no argument there. But I'm pretty sure it's not just because he's bald. "Virile men are bald," says Sam, on a roll. The audience applauds as Sam shouts, "The Arm & Hammer guy is bald!" He convinces balding guy to chant, "I am a strong, proud bald man!" In the wings, Addison chants along with him. She is really rooting for balding guy. And also Sam, I guess.

In the Oceanside conference room, Dell is setting up orange juice and baked goods. "Hey, how was the TV thing?" he asks when Sam and Addison enter. Wow, early-morning live TV appearance, and they're still the first ones at work? What time do people clock in at Oceanside? Sam rolls his eyes and tells Dell, "I'm a fraud." See? Infomercial! I knew it. But Addison thinks otherwise. "Listening to the patient? The mind-body connection? You inspired me, okay?" I never would have pegged Addy as the buying-things-from-television type, but there you go. "Wasn't he inspiring on TV?" she asks Violet, now entering with take-out coffee (even though there's a nice coffee bar all set up in the conference room -- doesn't anyone appreciate Dell's hard work?). Violet ignores the question and says, "The Arm & Hammer guy's not bald, by the way." Cooper seconds this. Pete helpfully points out, "Mr. Clean's bald," and Sam realizes his error. By this point, Addison is sick of talking about Sam and wants to go back to talking about herself. "I'm just trying to get a head count for tonight," she announces. Cooper: "What's tonight?" It's obvious that everybody forgot about the party. Everybody except Dell, who announces, "I'm there! I, uh, I RSVP'd." He raps the table with his knuckles and grins, very pleased with himself. He couldn't be more proud if he'd just made a poop on the potty all by himself for the very first time. It's pretty adorable. (And it figures Dell would be the only one who actually looked at the Evite; he probably updates his Facebook status four times a day. ["There's nothing wrong with that! Don't judge me!" -- Joe R]) Addison's too cranky to acknowledge Dell. Naomi rushes in, saying to everyone, "I'm sorry I'm late," and then, to her ex-husband: "Arm & Hammer guy is not bald." Sam says he knows. "He's just an arm." He lowers his beautiful, proud, bald head to the table. "And a hammer." Naomi regards him in this position with an expression that says, Oops, I think I broke him, and everyone silently agrees to change the subject. On to today's cases!

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Private Practice

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