Private Practice

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Loneliness and a Haircut, Two Bits
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Addison has taken the time out of her busy schedule of proselytizing and suturing to get a sleek new haircut. But neither Violet nor Naomi comments because they are too busy commenting on their lack of sex. And, yes, all girls talk about is sex and haircuts. Addison misses sex because Kevin was, you know, shot, and thus not performing his sole function. So she misses sex and dares to mention it in front of Violet who hasn't had any since 1983 and Naomi who was sleeping with Addison's brother until Addison kicked him back to WASP heaven. Yet she complains. So Violet has no choice but to kick her in the vajayjay and walk away. Actually the ladies return from their coffee sojourn to be greeted by Charlotte King and her really big sign. Charlotte's sign is advertising California's Premiere Doctor Cooperative and Free Breakfast Buffet. I'm not even making up the breakfast buffet.

Sam and Pete are enjoying the fine offerings of the breakfast buffet (all you can eat, yo!) and wishing they had thought of it first. Well, Sam was enjoying and bemoaning the loss of the Fourth Floor of Dreams simultaneously. It was their lack of money that drove them to take part in Charlotte's nefarious waffle bar! Like in an 80s prom scene, Violet's erstwhile psychotherapist friend from the elevator, Mr. Helpful, moves across the floor, parts the crowd, and introduces himself to Sam. Mr. Helpful asks whether or not Violet is single. Pete looks hostile, but Sam shrugs, "Yeah she's single." Mr. Helpful looks hopeful, giggles to himself and rubs his hands together, hatching a plan. Pete Can. Not. Believe. That Sam told him Violet was single. Pete gets cavemannish and starts grunting about how Violet is one of their women and these barbarians already took their floor. They can't have their women too! Sam shrugs, "Yeah, you're jealous." I knew the Pete Violet match up was inevitable and all, but I didn't expect Pete to drag her by the hair back to his cave.

Addison and her very sleek and shiny hair go to meet her new patient. And...is it? So soon? It is! It's the Drama of the Week! A corporate woman sits in a chair texting feverishly on a BlackBerry about her hotel's renovations. When she finishes her text, she looks up and, whoa, is that Andie from Dawson's Creek? Ack, having MightyBigTV flashbacks. Addison gives Andie the bad news from behind her desk. Actually she gives her half the bad news from behind the desk: Her ovarian biopsy was positive for cancer. Then she gets up, comes to sit on the front of the desk, smoothes her hair and tells Andie that her left ovary had cancer, too. So she has stage 2 ovarian cancer. Andie swallows deeply, takes a big breath, and then they agree to treat the cancer aggressively. Addison smoothes her hair some more, flips a stray whisp back, and suggests removing her ovaries and uterus next week. Andie flips out at that and demands a second opinion, because all she has ever wanted in life is children. As a surgeon (and a demi-deity) Addison knows that a hysterectomy is the right thing to do despite her desire to have kids. Andie replies that as a surgeon all Addison wants to do is cut, but she wants a second opinion. Amen to that, Andie, amen.

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Private Practice

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