The depressing story du jour is actually a carry over of last week's depressing story because why not drag out the misery? So Billy Riggins from Friday Night Lights is down on his luck and his wife signed up to be a surrogate, but the evil rich people's triplets killed her and now she is a human incubator for the fetuses (feti?) who are, like, putting the suck in succubus. He wants to take her off life support, but obviously the rich people paid an amount approximating the GDP of Botswana for the procedure and don't really want to lose their investment because some blue collar schlub wants his wife to die with dignity. Lawyers get involved and Charlotte gets to yell and then a judge decides that the woman is indeed going to be a human incubator and to add insult to injury her husband has to stay far far away from her in case he gets any big ideas. Charlotte, being the secretly sentimental sucker, lets him into the hospital room. Two seconds later he disconnects the ventilator. But but but…his wife doesn't die! Instead she is breathing on her own. Medical Miracle! Charlotte is too stunned to take credit.

Naomi is understandably still pissed off that Addison, like, frenched her husband (ex, whatever, still counts for these purposes). But Naomi has her own distracting man issues since the second her boyfriend left the country without telling her and simultaneously stood her up for a date, she started making out with Dr. Fife. The ensuing emotional turmoil drives her to attempt to shove twelve Reese Peanut Butter Cups in her mouth at the same time. Freaky, really. Then she gets busted mid-binge by Dr. Fife who bossy bosses her into making out with him. And him being a man who stupidly thinks real kisses are better than Hershey's kisses. As if! Obviously Naomi has questions about Fife's viability what with him being in a wheelchair and all. So she logically decides to ask Charlotte for advice because why the fuck not, right? They're best friends, right? And there is no internet access at Oceanside Wellness, so what choice does she have? Charlotte hands her a pamphlet on "Sex with the Disabled" and sends her on her fornicating way. Obviously, Dr. Fife busts her with the reading material and propositions her properly. All class that guy. Then for some post-coital pillow talk, Fife breaks it to Naomi that William has ALS and is going to die. HAHAhahaha Naomi cheated on a dying man. So much for her holier than thouness. She buys a ticket to William's bedside to assuage her guilt.

Dell hits on one of his pregnant patients who's on very strict bed rest. While he is conducting his exam, the single mom's daughter ominously coughs once and it seems obvious that someone is going to die, because that is exactly how this show rolls. Then the mother fails in her one responsibility--which is to not get up--and her water breaks and instantaneous labor ensues. While I totally thought the mom was going to have to choose which baby lives and which baby dies (because, you know, Private Practice has a reputation to maintain), but instead the baby gets stuck and Dell wants to break the baby (!!!) to get it out. Everyone LOVES that idea. But it works. So kind of a let down, really.

When Pete gets sick while his kidlet, Lucas, is sick, Addison decides to help out by playing underpaid babysitter. Obviously the cool, competent neonatal surgeon doesn't last two minutes with a cranky baby and she whines, winges, and calls Cooper, Sam, and practically everyone except for Pete who has locked himself in the attic or something and is nowhere to be seen. Addison gets the serious crazies and wanders around petting her cat for, like, the rest of the hour and then suddenly the baby is asleep and all is well and she is almost a successful woman. And then Pete calls her "Violet" and she kills him. I may have hallucinated that last bit about killing.