There are two very different and unrelated storylines this week, and no Naomi in site (and one of the storylines made me think they wrote her out of the practice for a very specific reason). In our lighter plot, some guys show up at Oceanside because one of them took Viagra (or something like it) and can't not have an erection. It's his wedding day, see? And the erection came too soon and he's supposed to be at his reception. Charlotte has scary methods to help him involving needles, and she starts on that. Then his new wife shows up, and Violet realizes she's pregnant and counsels her to tell him. So, she does. Right while Charlotte has a needle in his penis. He's not ready to forgive until Charlotte give him a speech about how she used to be married and she left when he did something bad, but look at her now: with Cooper, but she'll never know if she could have been happy with her former husband. Okay, what?! How did that convince the kid to stay, since Charlotte left and has a good life? Whatever. He stays. And Charlotte seems to start a conversation with Cooper at the end, in which she tells him about her past marriage.
Elsewhere, in a canyon three hours from anywhere (at least via hiking), Sam and Addison start to talk about "what if?" they had ever happened instead of the people they ended up divorcing. Then they hear a man call for help. He's laying on the ground, but his pregnant wife's trapped in a car that they wrecked. Sam's going to run out and get help while Addison stays and helps both patients. But then the car goes further into the canyon with Addison and the pregnant woman, Ever Carradine, inside. Oh, and did I mention it's her due date? Both women are trapped in the car, so Sam fixes up the husband (who has a collapsed lung and can't move) as much as he can and leaves them there. Addison delivers the baby, after telling Ever how important it is to live if you are in a relationship, whereas it's okay if Addison herself goes ahead and dies. That's pretty much the actual impassioned argument she makes. The baby makes it, but then Jake seems to die. Fortunately, Sam arrives back with all sort of helicopters and medical help then, and Jake seems to be okay. But when the rescue team goes to pry Ever from the car, they end up killing her. Addison freaks out. Then she and Sam kiss. And they're all, "You're hot." "You're not a geek." "You're no Naomi." "You're not Derek." Are we kidding with this? Now that Addison is friends with Naomi again and feels like a terrible horrible cheater who doesn't deserve love they're going to do this and negate all of it? HATE. Not that I didn't see it coming for weeks, but that doesn't make me like it any more.
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We once again begin on the ocean and then we zoom to a rugged area where Sam and Addison are hiking. Again. Addison's complaining about marriage, and how stupid it is: a financial transaction. Sam agrees that most of them end in divorce, like both of theirs. Basically: Marriage is stupid, and they hate it. Life is so hard when you're crazy beautiful and rich. They think their lives are good, and totally theirs. For example, last night Addison stayed home with her cat and watched National Geographic Channel. Addison needs sex, but mostly just the flutter you get when you first meet someone. Sam makes her stop, and then they sit. Sam admits he needs it, too, but she better not tell anyone. Then he does the unthinkable and the predictable and makes up a backstory in which he asked Addison out in med school, but she said no because Naomi had a crush on him. He wonders what if... would they have made it? This pisses me off for so many reasons, not the least of which is that it belittles Naomi to tell us that he only went to her as a second choice after Addison turned him down. Plus, it's never been mentioned, which makes it even more idiotic. Anyway, I try not to listen to the made-up-so-Addison-can-have-another-hottie backstory, but then tune back in when they hear someone cry out from nearby.
They take off running and find a bloody guy collapsed. He says, "My wife." Sam tells Addison the guy's pulse and respiratory rate are rapid, and he's losing a lot of blood out of a wound on his side. Addison can't get a cell signal on her phone or Sam's to call the wife he's asking about, but then he clarifies she's in the car that he crashed; he was trying to get help. Addison heads further down the rugged hill and finds a badly crashed car with a woman inside. She appears to be dead, but she looks up when Addison searches for a pulse. It's Ever Carradine, who's happy to see Addison because she thinks it means her husband got out and got help. Oh, and Ever's extremely pregnant. Addison wants to get her out of the car, but her arm's stuck, and has been since yesterday, so her fingers are starting to get tingly. Ever freaks that it's just Addison and her friend, Sam, and not a search party coming to get her out. Addison asks when Ever's due date is. Today. Dramatic music leads us into the sunny opening title card. I will never get used to how jarring the sunny, happy title is after these big dramatic moments.