It's another beautiful day at Oceanside Wellness and another expectant mother is experiencing totally normal aches and pains that undoubtedly are leading to the imminent death of her unborn child because that is what happens to every expectant mother who ever crosses the threshold of this private practice. Didn't she notice the "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter" sign hanging over the stoop? No? Oh well. So her baby is about to die, but first she has to make small talk WITH PETE. Gah! The universe is SO unfair sometimes. The mother is played by Sara Rue, who I adore, despite the fact that I couldn't actually name anything she has been in. So she starts have worsening contractions OBVIOUSLY and Pete calls Naomi who immediately insists she flee from the clutches of Pete the Evil Eastern Mystic and into a clean and proper hospital.
Out in the Foyer of Misery (I mean, really, has anything good ever happened there? ) Addison wants to talk to Sam about um... er... what to wear to the shotgun wedding? Sam is whiny because he has to write a toast and he wanted Addison's help and she wasn't home last night. This is undoubtedly because she is a complete ho-bag. This is confirmed by Addison who admits that she is seeing someone -- Someone Who Will Not Be Named. Sam is discomfited by this half revelation, luckily Addison is forcibly removed from the conversation by the damn preemie. Pete, Naomi, and Addison all ride in the back of the ambulance with the paramedic who doesn't at all seem interested in starting a territorial pissing contest with the three doctors for domain over the now screaming woman. Addison, to her credit, does not seem concerned about getting buckets of blood over her Diane Von Furstenburg dress. The wee babe is born in the ambulance while Pete sighs at the cruelty of the universe and the mom recites everything she ever read in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" which really did not include this. If only she had eaten more all natural yogurt and walked two miles a day in orthopedic shoes whilst drinking a gallon of water! It's all her fault!
Elsewhere in the hospital, "Doctor" Cooper talks to his little hernia patient who is recovering from surgery. The surgeon comes blustering in and swears the surgery went awesome, but everyone leaves him hanging for the High Five due to the Giant Douche sign hanging over his head. His general douchiness is confirmed when he claims he got an owie on the tennis court and could really use a prescription for some Oxycontin. Druggie Douche [Who also happened to be Nip/Tuck's Carver which is a sure sign he's a doctor you don't want operating on your child. -- Angel]! Cooper balks and the guy backs off into the hallway where he runs in to his girlfriend who just happens to be Charlotte King. Awkwardness ensues. I wish Charlotte and Cooper would just get back together so we wouldn't have to endure the Awkward anymore.