Private Practice

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Oh, Baby

Dr. Douche is talking to Violet who is wearing her Sane Face for the occasion. The doctor offers her his entire bottle of Oxy if he can just leave before she traps him in there with her for all eternity playing tea party and "Misery". Dr. Douche gets all defensive-y and yell-y and Violet gives him her sad face and he settles right down. He doesn't want Charlotte to know about his bottle of Oxy. Violet asks him to stay and talk a little longer... just a little longer, pleaseeeeeeeeeeee. She can help him. He just has to stay with her.

Pete goes to talk to Addison in her office. He is on her side now, he thinks the little baby should go home to baby Jesus. He touches her arm and she flips out about being touched in "her office", oh wait, that wasn't a euphemism. Pete flips the blinds down and Sam who has just entered the Foyer of Misery catches sight of the intra-office Venetian blind Morse Code. He knows what's going down in Addison's "office". That one was a euphemism. Dell interrupts Sam's jealous/shame spiral to remind him that he is being a total dick to Maya. He signed the damn papers for her to get married so the least he can do is, like, be nice about it. He's her midwife, so Sam should listen.

Violet is sadly planning Maya's wedding and doesn't have time to violate doctor-patient confidentiality to tell Cooper what Dr. Douche said in session. Charlotte interrupts the tête-à-tête before Cooper can make puppy eyes long enough to convince Violet to break the law. Violet skedaddles and just as Charlotte is ramping up to give Cooper the what for, when his phone rings and DR. DOUCHE HAS TOTALLY KILLED HIS PATIENT! That'll shut Charlotte up. Although injured is probably more accurate.

Naomi stops Sam in the hallway to ask about Maya. Sam gives her the same lecture that Dell just gave him, only worse. Cause she is going to Napa and he is sucking it up and going to their daughter's wedding. Sam adds to the guilt trip by pointing out that Rosanna Arquette is totally willing to usurp her role as both mother and grandmother. Nooooooooooo not that! How dare some skinny Arquette with crimped hair step in to raise her kid and grandchild and expose them to, like, Stephen and Patricia and (shudder) Alexis. What sort of life is that for a child? Even for a child you don't want anything to do with? That is one step too far. Naomi looks like she is going to slap an Arquette really soon, and not, Alexis, even though he undoubtedly deserves it.

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Private Practice

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