So I had to take a break from all this vaguely depressing challenge and just spent, like, an entire hour reliving my misspent youth on Facebook. Seriously: Portland, Oregon in the '90s? You have a friend request. I don't know exactly why I find this challenge depressing, but it really is. There is just something about all these women who have kept their wedding dresses while their marriages fell apart around them. One woman just filed the paperwork on her divorce, while others have been divorced for over a decade yet still have their wedding dresses tucked into their closets and only now feel empowered to shred them to pieces and start fresh. Remaking their lives through the tattered shreds of their wedding gowns. The symbolism is just too wrought for me. I mean I watch Project Runway to escape from life, not revel in the mid-life rebirth of the feminine mystique. Oh whatever. Look, ruffles!
It's the day of the runway show. At the apartments, the designers are getting ready for the day. Christopher stands firmly behind his dress, although he doesn't think his model "gets it". Oh please, what is there to "get" about that dress, except far, far away? Remember last week how the judges derided Christopher's teal tunic as a shower curtain disco ball? Well he took that to heart and has decided to design his entire line around the phrase. You know how gay people reclaimed the word "queer" and made it rhyme with "here" and use it in all their parades? That's what Christopher has done with disco shower curtain. The dress is heinous and displays such a shocking lack of taste that I am on the edge of my seat waiting for the judges to see it and for Michael Kors to gasp in horror and Heidi to raise her eyebrows so high that they meet her ponytail. I can only hope Nina Garcia will be judging today so she can throw her Latin blood into a full-bodied sneer. But Christopher stands behind his garment and I guess that's something.
In the workroom, some designers are making final adjustments to their dresses, while Shirin rushes to embellish her plain dress, Epperson claims he keeps "fluffing" his look (a thought I find... intriguing), and Logan despairs over his decision to make pants. Epperson's client loves the dress. Althea's and Carol Hannah's divorcees tear up at the sight of their new frocks. Christopher's model mutters "fat grandmother" while Christopher circles around her pinching the space blanket layer into peaks and valleys while leaving her waist to be defined by floral tape. He tells us that if he goes home for this garment at least he knows that it truly reflects his design taste. Oh lord. Christopher started out strong, didn't he? He had some nice looks during the first few rounds of the competition. What happened? Was it the pressure? Was it homesickness that made him want to dress his models to match his parents' plastic-wrapped couch? The model pretends it's cute. Meanwhile off-camera Nicholas has managed to create a totally nasty pantsuit for his model. It's brown and cream and appears to have been constructed entirely of doilies and tree bark. At least Nicholas has the self-awareness and taste to agree. He explains that it is the ugliest thing he has ever made, but it's what his client wanted. Logan is stitching and smiling and the model is all smiles because Logan is kneeling in front of her. And, really, if you are going to cast off the shackles of matrimony and really embrace your new single life, wouldn't Logan be a great place to start? I mean if he just wrapped himself around his model and sent that down the runway, what could the judges do but agree?