Project Runway

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Where the Frock Hits the Fan
very proud of his dress. No hint at all of doubt. He must be further along in his Eckhart Tolle book than I am. Irina's model marches down the runway in her tight brown pants, over-sized cowl neck sweater and faux fur hooded vest. The model does a funny little head shake to knock off the hood and proceeds down the runway looking for all the world like an angry and entitled Aspenite. The pants don't look as flame resistant as they did on the mannequin and the sweater has an interesting cut-out in the back saving it from looking like an outright 80s knockoff. Overall the look is a vision in brown, not in a Mr. Hankey way. Well, a little like Mr. Hankey. Gordana's dress is next. Her necklace looks great and true to what she intended the dress is a very simple grey sheath with a few curved lines sewn into it to save it from boring and is paired with a sheer grey wrap. It is overall a very smart and elegant look.

Judgment time. All seven designers line up on the runway and Althea is called out. She skates through to the next round, meaning everyone else is a winner or a loser. The models come out and Koji looks so uncomfortable in her Office FAIL attire that I just want her misery to be over quickly. She would probably be grateful to be sent home just so she could put on sweats. The judges start with Irina who explains that she wanted to create a sophisticated ski bunny look and that her pants were inspired by ski pants, which almost explains the water-resistant material. As the guest judge, Milla doesn't hold back. She thinks that Irina created a fantasy and she totally buys into it. Michael Kors thinks it is great, but she could have twisted the 80s thing a bit more, but overall she did a good job. I am glad that Kors mentioned how 80s the whole look is, because while the outfit is not boring, it is also not super original. In fact, none of the designers have done anything especially original or interesting this time around. Perhaps the fabulous life of Michael Kors just didn't inspire them to greatness. Did they not see his tan? Or notice his very white teeth? Do they not aspire to such things themselves? Dream big, designers! Dream big. Speaking of dreaming big, Christopher is in la la land as he tells the judges about taking his inspiration from the sand and sky landscape of Santa Fe. Michael Kors is completely underwhelmed and derides the look as cheap and costumey and uninspired. Milla plays nice and claims she loves the belt, but Heidi knocks that compliment out of Christopher's needy little hands by pointing out that the belt is the only interesting thing about the entire outfit. Christopher looks crestfallen as Heidi smashes his shiny new compliment to bits under her stiletto heels. Carol Hannah's Palm Beach look is universally applauded. Milla claims she would live in that dress as "at-home glamour". Nina and Heidi love the fabric and the details in the straps and belt. Michael Kors swears the wacky fern pattern is a Palm Beach pinstripe and everyone chortles appreciatively and Kors looks like a puppy who just got a Milk Bone because everyone laughed. Nicolas tries to defend his Grecian look by claiming he was envisioning an office worker who worked in, like, the Scranton of Greece, but aspired to work in the Cleveland of Greece. The judges don't get it. They don't understand why anyone would buy it, they don't understand why the pants are so ugly, and they don't understand why Nicolas is wasting their time with this ho-hum hum-drum hoo-haw. Nicolas can't answer any of those questions. Heidi turns to Gordana who was creating an outfit for a socialite going to a gallery opening. The judges appreciate the work she put into the dress and the necklace and think she really captured the essence of Park Avenue. Logan is next under the judges' evil stares and he tries to explain how his Hollywood look was inspired by what he saw at H&M last week since that is where aspiring starlets actually shop. Logan name checks both Lindsey Lohan and Mary Kate (although I can't see MK in something so form fitting or revealing since whenever I see her milling about the West Village she is wearing four trench coats, two pairs of boots, three pairs of sunglasses, and a sarong and is always carrying four bags of cans to take to the redemption center for the refund.) Nina thinks he missed on some of the styling and is showing them "just clothes", but Heidi "doesn't mind it", which I think is what the professionals call a back-handed compliment. Up close, Logan's look is actually much more interesting than it appeared on the runway. The jeans have zippered ankles and pockets and the vest has some interesting straps holding it together. Milla wishes he had spray painted the jeans to really give them that Turk 182 edge. Kors calls the look "clothes, not fashion", which is probably really harsh in the fashion world, but just sounds silly to the rest of us.

The designers are sent off stage while the judges deliberate. They think Irina did a great job developing the fantasy, and Kors cites something called "the runway palette" and I have no idea what he is talking about, but Heidi rebuts it anyway by saying it was too camel-y overall. Gordana gets a lot of compliments for her dress, but her personality is derided. Milla thinks Gordana needs an injection of positivity and self-esteem and sunshine and rainbows and marshmallow dreams. The judges also like Carol Hannah's look as it really reflected Palm Beach. Nina thinks it needed a little more to make it a winner. As for the designers with the lower scores, well, they should obviously all just self-immolate or flagellate or defenestrate themselves for daring to bore the judges with their uninspired looks. Except for Logan. Logan can just give all the judges foot rubs. Christopher had a problem with proportions. Heidi called the dress unwearable, while Milla opted to describe it as "sad". Nicolas is derided for his fabric choices because Greece and grey menswear are simply not synonymous. Kors is convinced that Nicolas was inspired by the musical Grease instead of the country Greece, but I don't get the reference other than as a homonym so I am ignoring it and hoping Kors shuts up about it already. Logan's critique is lead by the mouthy guest judge. While Heidi doesn't mind the look, Milla won't hear it, because this is not "Project I Don't Mind It" this is Project Runway and Logan needs to step it up. People are doing bigger and better things than jeans and tanks and he needs to up his game if he wants to compete. Hey, Milla? Shut up. I realize you are a model and designer and are undoubtedly surrounded by nothing but the most attractive people, but us plebes over here like being able to look at Logan. Leave him on our televisions please! We will be here long after you and we want something to watch. The decision is made.

The designers file back onto the runway. Carol Hannah is in and leaves the runway. Irina is crowned the winner of the challenge for her ability to create a lux look on a low budget. She thanks the judges and is sent off stage where she reminds us that she has won three challenges now and that she is her own biggest competitor. Gordana is given a pat on the back, but also slapped down for her lack of confidence. I'm sure being told she has a bad personality on national television will really help with that self-esteem problem. She is dismissed. As Logan, Christopher and Nicolas pout on the runway, Heidi reminds them that they are all very talented, but they have to pump up the volume to compete. Logan is in and he leaves the runway as the top of the bottom three AGAIN. Heidi reminds Christopher and Nicolas that one of them will be out. Like they needed the reminder that the Axe of Auf is dangling over their heads. Heidi tells Nicolas that he didn't think about the challenge and that his outfit did not remind them of Greece. No, not even of an office park in Greece. Heidi points out to Christopher that he is in the bottom two, yet again. The look was wishy-washy and didn't give them a sen

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Project Runway

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