Project Runway
Go Big Or Go Home

Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: C- | Grade It Now!
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I Know You Are But Why Are We Designing For Giants?

Heidi says that she wants the designer to think "big," but imagination is unnecessary as they are greeted by a group of models on stilts. Viktor thinks that they are scary. They are giving me a Return to Oz flashback that is generally an unpleasant memory for me. Between my reactions to that movie and this weird Juice Newton video from the '80s where she was like slowly beaten to death by her boyfriend, my grandmother still tries to change the channel from the evening news when I come over. Heidi announces that they will be designing for the ladies on stage. The judges will expect them think outside of the box and make something imaginative and larger than life.

Heidi tells them that they will be working in teams of two and Cecilia is not happy about this. I'm expecting that the full force of what is obviously her evil core will be shown to us later. I like that they keep giving us these little chilling glimpses. Her adverse reaction to working with a teammate could easily have been translated to mean, "Oh well, I wasn't quite ready to feed yet, but...." Heidi chooses the teams from the button bag. The first button she chooses is Bert's. Then, she chooses Viktor's button. We're watching him when his name is called and he makes absolutely no secret that he's not at all happy. Cecilia, who is behind him, laughs and pats his shoulders and says, "Now you're dreaming." Whatever that means -- rude. OK, so from my talks with folks who watch the show, it is clear to me that Bert is not really an audience favorite at this point. Even some writers on this very site feel compelled to text things such as "Bert is lame!!" That doesn't necessarily have to be attributed to Joe R, but I guess I just did that, didn't I? We'll talk more about this as the recap continues, but I just want to point out that, aside from other designers being somehow offended that he didn't pull out all the stops for the pet store challenge (a response I find fascist and juvenile -- and juvenile fascists are no joke), Bert hasn't done shit. His only crime is that he's old and not sexy and whatever he did when he was on that decades long bender in D.C. So, FOR THE RECORD, and this is the record, this moment is the throwing of the first stone. To start a group project with this kind of attitude is beyond stupid and unproductive. And mean. Viktor tells us that he didn't want to be in a group with Bert. Really? Quite the poker face you're working with. Heidi tells him that he looks funny and he interprets that as a description of his reaction. She may have been talking about his haircut though. He says that his heart dropped. Why? Because working with the guy who worked under three of the biggest designers of the past fifty years as opposed to say a hairdresser or beauty queen is some sort of death sentence? Viktor interviews that Bert says the "wrong thing at the wrong time" and it annoys him. Ah. Well THAT makes it better. The mannequins are so deeply upset that they don't have arms right now. Bert interviews that he thinks that Viktor's response was childish and unprofessional and he doesn't appreciate it. Can't really argue with that. It just WAS childish and unprofessional.

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Project Runway

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