Project Runway

Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: A | Grade It Now!

Daniel says that his dress is not what he's better. Then, we see him doing some stupid dance while fitting his trash bag adorned model. "It is a stupid dance. That can't be helped." No, he doesn't say that. Jay nails Daniel's ass to the wall in a side interview: "He's nice, he has an endearing story, but goddammit he annoys the shit out of me. He keeps playing to the cameras and kissing ass! He should be kissing our asses."

On the runway, Heidi leads the proceedings. She really does sound less European, more Dennis the Menace. This show is the Land of Cartoon Accents. She tells us that eleven of them will be "in," one of them will be..."yowt"? "Oat"? Oh, "out." We meet the designers. Michael Kors, fashion designer. Nina Garcia, fashion director at Elle. The guest judge is Patricia Field. Holla! Fucking love her. I bet she and Michael Kors hate each other. With a flurry of techno music, the show begins.

First is Vanessa's gown. She has taken Tim's advice and shortened it. It looks good. The bodice is made of a fishnet-looking fabric, with strips of garbage bags covering the necessary parts. The skirt of garbage-bag strips is now so high, it's practically an empire waist. Looks pretty good. It appears as though Vanessa, who is sitting along the runway, has taken the remainder of the fishnet cloth (a laundry bag, I believe) and fashioned a small veil for herself.

Next is Austin's design. Yes, it's shriveled. But the guy innovated. And, on the runway, the color of the husks is quite beautiful. Of course, who can pay attention to the color, when the dress is actually falling apart on the runway. Oh well, good luck, Austin.

Next is Wendy's candy outfit. It's horrible. There's nothing there. There is less, in fact, than what she seemed to have had earlier. Really, it's like a Life Savers candy on a string and candy buttons on the model's nipples. Poor girl, you thought you were going to be all fancy on TV and then Wendy Pepper put a piece of candy on you and sent you out naked. In voice-over, we once again hear that Wendy is desperately hoping to win.

Next is Starr's dress. It looks as gaudy and disgusting as earlier. In voice-over, Starr says she didn't look at the judges' reactions.

Jay's girl comes out next. It's a fitted aluminum dress with a pink shawl. It rocks. I don't know how, with the snugness of the fit, he and the model kept from tearing the aluminum. Jay modestly notes that if the judges even "remotely have an eye for creativity," they won't send him home. Then, his outfit continues to rock as the model removes the shawl. It's just really cool. The dress is strapless. There is even a little fringe at the bottom of it. That's a lot of detail for freaking aluminum. Nina Garcia is a cipher as she looks on coldly.

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Project Runway




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