Project Runway

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Jeff Long: B | Grade It Now!
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I Thought Tablecloths Were For Magicians

Next in the apartment is Joe Faris, 41, and my guess for the straight male designer of the season. He's the senior designer at Schott Brothers and he's from Detroit. The camera shows him opening a Coke then bringing it up to his mouth in movie vocabulary that would indicate that his soda was poisoned. Seriously, I was like, "Don't drink it, Joe!" Then, I realized that it was just product placement.

Here's our first... lady? It's Stella B. Zotis, 42 and a "freelance designer." I don't mean to jump the gun, but Stella and I are in love. She's kind of amazing. She says flatly that rock stars come to her for a look. Her work is all typical rock star stuff -- treated denim, studs, etc. She has made "custom rock regalia" for Blondie, Sebastian Bach, as well as "hookers, pimps, or whoever's tough enough to wear it." Yes, Stella. Yes. Don't let me down. She interviews that the show will be a way for her to work outside of leather and denim.

Jennifer Diederich, 27 and a "freelance designer," enters the apartment and introduces herself to Stella. She tells us that she lives in a small town outside of Florence, Italy. She says that her style is surreal and we see her bio video which has little shots of a tiny Jennifer popping out of a spool of thread. "But what about the clothes?" you say. Who gives a flip about the clothes, A TINY PERSON POPPING OUT OF A SPOOL OF THREAD! Get her on the show! She says that her clothes are like "Holly Golightly goes to a Salvador Dali exhibit." "Really though, what about the clothes?" you persist. Why are you asking questions like that? Are you aware of how much time it took her to COIN THAT MARKETING ANALOGY?? Book her! Anyway, the clothes... aren't special. I mean, they're cute, I guess. There's a coat that's may be a little whimsical and high-design at the same time, but the other stuff just looks sort of "cute."

Stella tells Jennifer that she doesn't want to go home right away and Jennifer replies that the same thing is probably on everyone's minds right now. They are joined by Kelli Martin, a 27-year- old boutique owner better known as "Christy." Kidding, different Kelli. The tattooed, blonde Kelli tells us that she imagines herself to be the baby of Vivienne Westwood and Betsy Johnson. She owns a boutique, Black Market, in Columbus, Ohio. It's got a vintage 50's/punk look to it. She says that she cranks designs out and tries to make a living. It's difficult, but she says that she wouldn't have it any other way.

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Project Runway

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