Project Runway
Million Dollar Runway

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: B | 39 USERS: B+
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Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Frenemy

On the day of the runway show, Sandro thinks Timothy is going home. We can only hope! I like that he calls him "Amish." But the Amish aren’t that horrible (haha just kidding, they are -- have you seen Breaking Amish?). Helen was confident the day before and now she’s like, "I’ve never done cups before." And the other designers just gasp a little because she said this was her forte and Alexander Pope came out of the fucking womb doing bust cups, OK?

Timothy’s dress looks horrible! He says it’s very him, so of course it does. I don’t use this term often, but it is a fail. Helen feels particularly insecure next to Kate.

In the makeup consultations, it appears Timothy is giving in to our sponsor Loreal and letting them put makeup on his model’s effing face. He is such a problem. Uh oh, Dom is putting a headband on her model. With diamonds and emeralds?

In the last moments before the runway show, Sandro is running around with a steamer, he plugs it in and pops up asking, "Who knows how steamers work?" I do, Sandro and first of all, it takes a while for that water to heat up and turn into steam. You can’t just plug it in and be like, "STEAM NOW." Sandro gets whatever is two levels beyond flustered when no one responds to his question immediately, and storms off to grab a Project Runway crew member. He leads this crew member by the wrist over to the steamer to demand why it doesn’t work and the crew member is like, "Ahhhh let me out of here."

"I have to step out. I have to step our right now, I have no idea," the crew member says. And Sandro says, “So thank you for good service, right?” all snotty. Yeah, Sandro -- because people who work on the crew of this television show are here to serve you. You are a character and probably a real life asshat, too. Sandro continues to throw his arms up in exasperation at just about everything all the way until Tim forces them toward the runway.

Let’s get to the looks. Dom’s dress is pretty, but too casual, especially with that headband. Justin’s dress is black and lovely and probably safe in the middle somewhere. Ken’s dress is just a tad David’s Bridal to me. Like, high end David’s Bridal. Kahindo’s dress is cocktail length and a little janky in that cutout. Alexandria’s dress is also from the nice part of David’s Bridal, and a bit too short in front. Miranda also did a cocktail length dress that exposes a lot of back and midriff, and the sweetheart neckline sits too high. It should be in the bottom but it won’t be, because this is the first we’ve heard from Miranda.

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