Heidi wishes everyone luck, and they all head back to the apartments. Once there, as Rob explains in voice-over, they all poke the packages, trying like hell to figure out what might be inside. Clothes, I bet! I bet it's something to do with clothes! Kara comments to the group that her package seems to be the lightest. "Yours is just a Hooters t-shirt," Austin snarks. And really, I have to add that while I like Kara very much, I don't really understand her brown tank top and fuchsia halter, either. For Austin's part, in his interview, he's wearing an extravagant fur coat with a broad, luxurious collar. It's a brilliant combination of tacky and spectacular, like he's pimping out Marie Antoinette. ["I love Austin so much, you guys, you don't even know." -- Wing Chun] Austin opines that, for all they knew, the package "could be your grandmother's fruitcake." There are some terrific Austin/fruitcake jokes lurking about, but I may have startled them, as none of them seem to be alighting on my shoulder at the moment. Back in the apartment, Jay takes a different guess: "You know what I bet they are?" Rob and Kara look up from squeezing the packages to look at Jay, who's enjoying a bowl of cereal. Jay waits a perfect beat before saying, "There's probably babies in there. And we have to raise them over the next eighteen years." Oh, Jay. Try to get them to cut their hair occasionally, would you?
Atlas, the next morning, 5:35 AM. The alarm goes off. Rob rubs his eyes disbelievingly at the early hour. People gradually wake up, and an already-perky Austin tells them all that it's time to "open your stocking." Which is precisely the metaphor I was thinking of, so good for him. He really does have the feel of a 1950s mom in that moment. Sort of getting in touch with his inner Barbara Billingsley. The packages are distributed, and indeed, it looks a great deal like Christmas, except that everyone is receiving and no one is giving, which is the only thing that could make Christmas a better holiday, I personally feel. Austin is the first to hold up something he finds in his parcel, and it's a pair of gray-blue (that's my story, and I'm sticking to it, so don't email me, because I can't describe colors) flat-front shorts. Jay, on the other hand, immediately dons a kicky white hat with a brim. Very Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla. As Rob explains, they all discovered post-office uniforms in their packages. Rob's happens to include a USPS baseball cap. Alone in her room, Wendy opens her uniform as well. Far be it from her to participate in the group activity, not that the group activity isn't Wendy-Hating a fair amount of the time. Wendy also reads us the accompanying note that tells her, "Project Runway Designers, Please get dressed and report for duty in the lobby." She smiles smugly, because the post office is just boring and conventional and incompetent enough for he to stand a chance.