Internet, I have RETURNED. Perhaps you have missed me. Tune in to the recap for the strange and fascinating tale of where I have been since last we met on this beautiful shore. It will blow your hive mind.
Today's challenge is to be the last before Bryant Park. Heidi tells the five remaining designers that they will be sent to an iconic location "with priceless views." They are delighted to meet Tim and the Mayor of Los Angeles (?!) at the Getty Center where they are to draw inspiration from the art collections for a two-day challenge. Their models are there, as well, to serve as muses.
Their last trip to Mood is as frantic as usual and they return to the workroom to throw down. Tim encourages them to take risks. Each designer is feeling the tension acutely. Irina, if possible, is an even bigger witch than ever before. She and Althea, who seemed to be pals in recent weeks, are now sniping at each other. Even Gordana has been poisoned by Irina's evil influence.
Tim Gunn casts a wide net of aspersion: Christopher's look is a "head scratcher;" Carol Hannah's lacks sophistication; Irina is creating roadkill; and Althea is doing something puckering and perplexing. Gordana, on the other hand, has impressed him with her emotional rendering motivated by Monet.
Everyone is wildly nervous. This week, the judges include Nina Garcia (yay!), Cynthia Rowley (wow!) and supermodel Cindy Crawford (WHOA!). The show begins and… it is decidedly underwhelming. My GOD, Christopher's dress is awful. Gordana's dress, while really beautiful, is giving me a weird um, Georgia O'Keefe vibe. No one is safe from the judges this week -- no garment quite hits the mark. They are all emotional and sincere when asked to say why they deserve to go to Fashion Week, but ultimately the chosen three are Irina, Carol Hannah and Althea.
So, Internet, how are YOU doing? Me? Oh, I'm fine, I guess. Not much going on, really. Hmm, wait a second. When did we talk last? Did I mention that I became a mother a month ago? And quite suddenly? No, not like, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant!, though how awesome would that be? My husband and I adopted a baby girl from Texas! Where I used to live. Seriously, we traveled there and stayed one block from my old apartment. We had our last dinner as non-parents at the restaurant where we had our first date. Life is crazy, man. Subsequently, I am also crazy. Parenthood is crazy. Babies are crazy. She was three months old the day we "took possession" (yes, that is really what they call it), and let me tell you, having an Instant Baby is the craziest thing of all time. We were shocked to get the call and completely unprepared. We like to live dangerously, I guess. Anyway, that is what I have been up to, and I appreciate the awesome Lulu Bates for the superb back-up. My only complaint is that y'all let Nicolas get sent home while I wasn't looking. I know you all hated him, but I will forever hold a torch for the Feather Prince.
Things are getting tense among the remaining ladies of the runway. Irina apparently accused Althea last week of copying her giant sweater design -- though I watched it and initially they made it look like Althea was accusing Logan of copying her zipper thing? Apparently it was both. Listen, Irina is talented, for sure, but has she forgotten something? Like, if she wins this bullshit she'll have to possibly work with people who watched it? Why doesn't anyone ever think about that? I can't stand her and was so disturbed in that past episode where it appeared she was using her vile influence on Althea, making her equally vile. That seems to have worn off, now, and Irina instead has turned her thinning-the-herd laser on Gordana, which pains me most of all. The morning of the challenge, the four remaining women are hanging out in their room and, without even getting out of bed, Irina uses her Machiavellian wiles to cause Gordana to snap at Carol Hannah. "I'm really competitive," Irina says in an interview, "and I always say that I won't say anything behind your back that I wouldn't say to your face... and I guess people would just rather I say it behind your back." No, child. They would rather you NOT SAY IT. At all! As in: why don't you just shut up? People of the television and the surrounding world, please heed my wisdom on this: defending your bitchassness by saying "that's just how I am" does not make it okay.