As we start the show, Heidi wears some leatha, that frankly could have walked off the set of Real Housewives of New Jersey Harsh but you know it's true. I can't believe this woman's job is to stand on a runway for thirty seconds announce where the designers have to meet Tim and then leaves to go romp in wheat fields with Seal and their seventeen gorgeous children. Then she shows up the next day to mock the failures of the designers and their outfits. And she's married to Seal and looks like Heidi Klum. Bitch.
On to the challenge: some southern-haired woman in an ill-fitting jacket offers up the challenge. It is a team challenge and everyone groans and rolls their eyes so athletically it's like it's the newest Olympic sport. They have to design blue outfits (no really, that's the challenge: blue) and the prize is creating a holiday dress for INC line (sold exclusively at Macy's, natch). Everyone then pretends that the be all, end of all of fashion design is to sell polyester outfits to the mallrats in suburbia instead of to say, Blair Waldorf who probably does not know Macy's exists. Everyone sketches their outfits and then the white-suited woman (who is improbably named Martine) picks the best designs to be team leaders. She likes Irina, Althea, Carol Hannah, Christopher, and Louise the bestest and they get to choose their partners. And the teams are: Althea takes Logan because he's hot and still in the closet, but in a charmingly ambiguous long-live grunge sort of way, Louise and Nicholas (who has immunity), Christopher picks Epperson, Irina takes Gordana, and Carol Hannah gets the sloppy leftovers that is Shirin.
They rush to Mood and Louise loses her money, but then she finds it and she keeps talking about how stressed she is. This by far the most camera time she has gotten to date, so she will most likely either win or lose. The designers head back to the workroom and the teams get to work with the usual gamut of abject bitchiness and team drama. Tim comes in and gives them all the hoary eye. He thinks Carol Hannah's designs could knock some socks off and expresses a strangely vehement hatred of leggings. Like who cares enough about leggings to express an opinion? Unless we're talking about those Lindsay Lohan blow job leggings with the built in kneepads. Those are awesome and worth killing a kitten for. Tim is worried about both Irina's and Louise's designs, but thinks Christopher is on track to reinvent the shirt dress, which is apparently a very thrilling proposition and worth renting a skywriter to let your parents and all beach attendees know that you have reinvented the shirtdress. Nicholas takes a moment to rant about ruffles, because RUFFLES ARE THE DEVIL. Irina then slams Carol Hannah's looks as discount looks from the sale bin and, well, Carol Hannah will probably win because this is for INC sold exclusively at MACY's which is pretty much the definition of discount dressing. And then it is midnight and everyone has to go home.
Tim comes in and L'oreal's this and Garnier's that and mentions Macy's about 12 times because he is contractually obligated to or they will eat his face off. The models come in and it is ten minutes to runway and Louise is still cutting and appliquéing and Irina is almost happy about her looks, but Gordana is doomed DOOMED if the judges don't like the outfits.
Out on the runway Heidi is underwhelmingly dressed in an oversized t-shirt and a pony tail like she just came from a Gymboree playdate. Irina and Gordana's looks come down the runway first. They look like flimsy little dresses that are blue. Althea and Logan's first look has a skirt that is self-hiking. But the looks are good overall. Nicholas does nothing but bitch about Louise's ruffles like he is 102 and shaking his fist. Carol Hannah claims the best thing about her looks is that they are saleable, which will probably be the death of her eventually. Christopher is sure his shirt dress is going to be an INC product, which pretty much means it isn't, right? Right. Judgment time: First off Logan and Althea are passed into the next round. The higher scores are: Irina and Gordana (all the ladies go gaga for Irina's dress) and Carol Hannah and Shirin. Christopher gasps in shock, which is sort of sad. But most shocking, because was Tim wrong??
Louise tries to defend her ruffles, but the judges brush off her attempts as bridesmaid gone bad and not in the hot naughty Joe Francis sort of way. Heidi is stumped by Christopher's vision of the modern girl. Michael Kors remarks that the shirt dress reminds him of a tablecloth. Christopher dissolves into tears as Heidi mocks his dress as looking like the girl was eating lobster and Michael Kors says something about a disco pumpkin. Oh Heidi, always making the boys cry.
The judges mull. Before their decision is announced and we cut to commercial, Heidi ominously pronounces that "one or more of you will be out". When we return from break, Shirin is dismissed and Irina is crowned the winner. Carol Hannah and Gordana are patted on the back and they are followed off the stage by Epperson. The judges finally kick Nicholas and his immunity-having behind off the stage, leaving Louise and Christopher to stand anxiously on the stage while the judges deride them both professionally and pretty much personally. They are especially harsh to Christopher, but in the end it is Louise that goes. And she goes alone, despite the pounding music attempting to hint otherwise.
In short, I'm still pissed that they sent Ra'mon home.
It is really nice that Lifetime plays full episodes of Project Runway. Of course that also means I have to watch Ra'mon's ignominious departure again, which was just cruel. Cruel! So his dress looked like an outfit for Jem and the Holograms or even The Misfits. It was totally fit for Synergy. And, admit, we've seen way worse outfits receive accolades from the judges. (Yeah, I'm looking at you Angela.) Without Ra'mon the show has lost its luster. I mean who else can tie dye some lime green neoprene and win? Shirin? She wouldn't dare. Who else am I supposed to love? Oh well, on with the show.
Over at the Atlas apartments, Gordana is thanking her Teutonic gods ('Sup Freya!) for letting her skate out of the bottom three despite her slumber party worthy outfit. But none of the other girls even notice she is still there because she is too old to exist. Like a fairy or Don Knotts. Over at the "men's" apartment they are all up in my pity party about Ra'mon being gone. Except their party (like cheap wine) has an obvious undercurrent of hostility and mirth. They know that without him they may have a shot at winning. Christopher is practically giggling as his Dippity Dos his locks of love. Logan has to move into their love shack as they are the last four men in the competition, which might as well be the entire planetary system. He is now shacking up with Nicholas (who has a very small dog in real life), Epperson, and Christopher and Christopher's hair gel. Logan's lone t-shirt looks sad in Ra'mon's abandoned armoire. Over at the ladies' lair, the sad eyes of Louise Black of Dallas, Texas explain how very much she didn't want to go home despite designing a beadazzled potato sack for the last challenge. The dress was merely a cry for help! Now that they've allowed her to take her Cymbalta she is totally back in this competition. She irons her hair and heads out the door.
The remaining ten contestants sit in their plastic risers waiting for Heidi to earn her $500,000 per line. She goose walks onto the stage wearing high heels, black shirt, and leather miniskirt undoubtedly designed by Leatha by Stella from her own skin to clad Heidi's expensive curves. Unfortunately I am pretty sure I saw this exact same outfit on the tween daughter of Teresa from the Real Housewives of New Jersey and I'm not entirely sure that is the look Heidi is going for. But seriously, has Heidi ever meant a leopard print she didn't like? Neither has Teresa. Heidi congratulates Nicholas on his Snow Queen's victory from win last week and reminds him and everyone else that he has immunity. She then announces that their next challenge will be "colorful". She tells the contestants that Tim will tell them the rest, waves her goodbyes, and collapses exhausted after a hard day's work.