Let's get it out of the way: you miss Jeff. I know you do -- who wouldn't? I happen to know him and he is nothing short of fabulous in every way. In fact, he is so fantastic, he's off doing something even more fantastic than this. Together we must soldier on.
This season, PR bids adieu to Bravo, home of such gems as Real Housewives of Some Place You'd Rather Die than Go if that's what People are Like There, and bonjour to Lifetime, home of television actually watched by actual housewives while they iron the actual clothes of their actual children.
There are too many designers, and taking a page from Jeff's first recaplet of last season, all I can do is break them down into the following categories:
Possibly talented: Shirin (yeah, it's Farsi?). Ra'mon. Althea. Irina. Nicolas. Louise. Logan. Malvin.
Maaaaaybe talented but probably not up to it: Mitchell. Johnny (ridiculous). Carol Hannah. Epperson. Gordana. Christopher (never heard of smocking).
Sadly deluded: Ari (she doesn't sketch). Qristyl (with a "Q").
Obvious drama queens: Too many to list.
The first challenge is very exciting. Because they are in Los Angeles, Tim Gunn delightedly tells them that they will be designing a look for the red carpet. They are each given measurements for their assigned models, commanded to sketch, and shuttled off to shop with their budget of $200.
This one dude, Johnny, a former meth addict who has tried out for this show three times, actually cries from the pressure. On Tim Gunn. It hurt me to watch it. Their results are mixed to say the least. Ultimately, Ari goes home first.
BUT FORGET ALL THAT, BECAUSE LINDSAY LOHAN IS A GUEST JUDGE.
Right off the bat, let me tell you what I love about this season of Project Runway. There's no "here's what the show is." No "we picked blah-blah strangers to live in a house." None of that boring exposition that explains the point and the contest and who anyone is or what they're doing. No. It's full-on Lagerfeld-style "if you don't know you don't deserve to know, dahling... you obviously were never in Paris," and the show just begins as if your whole life hangs in the balance of Tim Gunn's raised or lowered eyebrow. And, doesn't it, people? Doesn't it?
Hello, and welcome to your Season 6 recaps. I am sorry for the rude awakening you are receiving in your beloved Jeff's absence, but listen, he is off being very important and, anyway, I am also from Alabama. We can work this out. I will try my best to live up to his legend.
Boom, the show has begun out of nowhere and we are greeted by the sinuous Ra'Mon, who is 30 and from New York. Why the apostrophe, Ra'Mon? He says that previous to following his dream to become a designer, he went to med school... specializing in neurosurgery? "Towards the end I realized: it would be one thing to have a career that I could be great at, but it was another thing to have a career that I could be passionate about." Forgive me, but did brother just say he left med school towards the END? To make clothes? If he wins this thing, I guess he'll be using the money to pay off the loans he took out to learn how to save people's lives from debilitating brain disorders.
Ra'Mon is greeted in the house or condo or whatever this place is, by Logan, from Seattle, and Johnny, from L.A. Logan is fine, knows it, and considers himself different from your average fashion designer because he is "a guy's guy." Hey, hot stuff? We all get the code, okay? Avoid alienating the gay boys. I know you're not on Bravo anymore but... they have this channel, too. In his annoying bio video, he attempts a macho pose by saying that if his limo breaks down on the way to Fashion Week, he'd probably "pop the hood" and figure out what's wrong with it. Oh, tell me about it, stud! If you're so tough, why are riding in a limo, Marlboro Man? Anyway. He says he has strong sewing and pattern-making skills and can figure out how to make anything with his hands. He irritates me, but I believe him.
Johnny, a mildly menschy guy with a shaved head and a goatee, tells his new roomies that this isn't his first time around the block. He auditioned for three previous seasons of the show. "I know why I didn't make the third and fourth seasons," he says, pausing pregnantly and forcing Ra'Mon and Logan to finally ask why. "Because I had an addiction problem." There follows an awesome shot of Ra'Mon attempting to not react and Johnny says in an interview that if he "wouldn't have overcame" that addiction, he'd probably be dead. I used to work for a guy just like Johnny -- a supermegaultra sensitive man who was not addicted to meth, but addicted to... emotions. He was a nice person, and cared about people, but what he cared most about was the drama of caring. Everything he did or said was couched in the most dramatic terms. I've been watching Johnny for literally one minute and I can already tell: this is the same dude. However, they show some quick shots of samples of his work and from what I can see, it's quite impressive. Two gorgeous dresses and a coat I would kill for.