Lex is still completely obsessed with Project Ares -- the one where he raises a super army of buff men in tiny silver shorts to help him to create a military force to work the government. Are you sure Lex's name isn't really Dr. Frank-N-Furter? A test run featuring formerly dead soldier Wes goes so well that Lex gets his panties in a bunch when Senator Burke tries to pull the plug on the project and threatens to scrutinize LuthorCorp business dealings. Of course, Lex uses Super Soldier Wes to kill off Burke. Unfortunately, Lois, trying to chase a story on the Burke connection, witnesses the whole thing and recognizes Wes as an old Army-brat buddy. Lex just cannot catch a break! Even though Wes has mondo Krypto powers, he recognizes Lois and breaks out of his Terminator mode long enough to regret killing a U.S. Senator. Wes tries to attack Clark, but Clark saves the day with his magical eye beams. Wes dies, sadly, but it's really better this way, because Wes was never going to get out from under Lex's control, and he recognizes that before he dies. Burke's death creates a U.S. Senator spot. Papa Luthor lobbies for MamaKent to take the spot, and it's as easy as pie. Clark supports her move to Washington. Lex catches Lana eavesdropping on his Project Ares conversations and tells her that if she wants to know his business, she should just ask. Of course, she won't. Because she's Lana and the answers should just come to her on the blessed wings of pink hummingbirds. Lex vaguely threatens her, too, saying that he doesn't know what he'd do if she betrayed him. Lana, meanwhile, totally betrays him, still acting frigid and giving Clark the romantic eyes whenever he appears. Lois, upset about Wes, vows to take Lex down. Lex's top scientist says that Wes's death is a major setback for Project Ares, but Lex thinks he can get more alien organs to complete the project. To prove his point, he shows us a huge room full of Wes clones, ready for their evil orders.
It's the sixth penultimate episode of Smallville! Can I get a "Woot!?" No? Not really? How about a smile, then? No? You're really mad at how this season has turned out? I see. What if I tickle you? Tickle tickle! Who's a recap reader? Tickle! Oh. You think that's a form of abuse? Sorry. Well, look. You probably won't like this episode. I'll be frank: I was thinking about a million other things while I watched it, and about 900,000 of them were more interesting. And I have a crap imagination. But if you and I work together and put this whole tickling incident behind us, I think we can get through it. Because after this, it's one more episode and then SUMMER! Water slides! Sunburn! Hurricanes! Can't wait, y'all. It's gonna be the most season-six-is-done summer ever! Who's with me!?
We open on planet Earth. Hey, I can see Lois's boobs from here! A big computer-animated satellite glides into view, making sound where there is none. A "LUTHORCORP" logo is on its side. I watched it for a little while. I like to watch things on TV. We see a red light flash near a lens on the satellite. The lens is scanning part of North America. It zooms in on a military-looking building.
We cut from space to the same image of a schematic on a screen, presumably inside that same building. An older gent, Mr. Science, is typing on a computer. You can tell he's a scientist because of the spiffy white coat with the pens in the pocket. A siren suddenly goes off along with a flashing red light. Mr. Science moves his mouse on the computer to zoom in on a blinking room in a schematic. He squints. "Activity" is moving from one room to the next.
We cut to a hallway where soldiers are scrambling. Lex, wearing black, walks among them. He checks his watch. Lex's favorite lackey, Number One, tells soldiers to sweep the perimeter. And mop it, too! Lex asks for a status report. There's been a security breach in the northeast sector. But that's where we keep the Trix-brand cereal! That goddamned cartoon rabbit! Lex asks what security has picked up. "Not a damn thing," says Number One. Fucking invisible cartoon rabbit! Lex tells a guard standing nearby to kill anything that comes down the hallway. That's right. We're eating hare pie tonight! Wait. That didn't sound good at all. Lex and Number one enter the lab-looking room where Mr. Science is sitting. "Contact?" Lex asks. Sure, you can touch me. Mr. Science says, "Tunnel 7." We hear soldiers yelling stuff from outside the room. Mr. Science says to wait. The computer says in a robotic voice that Section F has been compromised. Lex commands a lockdown.