Push, Nevada
S.O.S.

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Djb: B- | Grade It Now!
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But what hither comes from Krazyland? Why, it's ShadJackBlack, pushing his Kart Of Krazy down the dusty highway, the sound of a monkey organ grinder playing that "doot doot doodle-oodle oot doot doot doot" Circus Theme Song the only thing not reminding us of ShadJackBlack's level of Krazy. Pawn looks at him in a way that indicates she kind of hears the song anyway -- maybe her "partner" is standing nearby, humming a few bars in her ear -- and smiles, "Crazy old man." Oh, and he's old like you're southern, Pawn. If they wanted someone old, they should have cast someone old. Pawn turns back to Jim and brings him out of that world where "insane" and "membrane" always have to rhyme, with an accompanying funky beat and maybe a guy somewhere wearing a big-ass clock around his neck, refocusing his attention on her by producing a handkerchief with a map on it and handing it to him. Jim experiences an explanatory set of flashbacks: he's handing a handkerchief to Taudrey at Silas Bodnick's funeral, and he's finding the handkerchief inside his car and discovering for the first time the map to Demonhead Flats. She hands it to him and explains, "Gaines [who?] asked me to destroy this, because if anybody around here figured out who drew this map, it would exonerate you." I don't know why that is. I also don't know why Prufrock's presence would cause Sloman to let his "guard down." I don't know why Mary was commissioned to frame Prufrock in such a convoluted way when that was back when they could have had him killed (as they did everyone else in town that week) without the authorities (who are all in Sloman's hip pocket anyway, so who cares, right?) being any the wiser. I don't know how a show gets off as calling itself "cancelled" when the very living definition of a cancelled show is "not currently airing on my television set ever, ever again." I don't understand any of those things. But this episode is kind of rollicking along so far, so we'll let it go for now. Pawn actually falls back on that faulty logic, "Why would I give this to you if I weren't on your side?" Wow -- I knew television production required a lead time long enough that this episode might have been shot several months ago, but I was unaware this show was in production before Psych 101 was invented. But Jim takes the bait and the handkerchief as well, as ShadJackBlack shuffles up next to them and mutters insanely (OR IS IT?), "Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink." Shut up, ShadJackBlack. But he doesn't, preferring to Mother Goose the plot into action with his patented brand of Krazy. Fine. But if he asks me whether or not Fuzzy Wuzzy was or was not fuzzy, that Bible's going in the toilet bowl. ShadJackBlack then beseeches, "Don't just look, Prufrock. See." Clearly, he's traded his Bible for a copy of Dianetics. Man. They're everywhere.

Jim is on the phone with Ira "Thou Shalt Not Stereotype" Glassman, who is for some reason still taking Jim's calls despite the fact that his life has been threatened numerous times as a result of Jim's insubordination, and oh yes, he has already fired his insubordinate employee. Jim is explaining, "I've just sent you an email and I'd like you to do an agency-wide distribution." Agent Shylock reads from his own computer monitor: "My name is Jim Prufrock. I have reason to believe that my life is in danger. On December 17th I received a fax…" Montage-a-palooza. Jim sits back in his leather chair (I sure hope he doesn't have any dairy present, or this could be a nightmare scenario) and leans way far back (because it's next year in Jerusalem, but on this night, unlike all other nights, we recline), informing Jim, "This is paranoid stuff," adding, "Not only am I not going to send it, I'm going to delete it from my inbox and forget we ever had this little conversation." Jim starts to defend the sheer insanity of the correspondence we're mysteriously not allowed to read, and Ira gets through the clause, "If the average American read this…" What Jim never finds out is that the rest of Ira's sentence was going to be, "…they'd promptly have you arrested for combing the internet, harvesting a random collection of email addresses, and sending unsolicited bulk email to those recipients." But Jim hangs up on Agent Shylock, and no sooner does he do so than a cartoonish light bulb goes on with a "ding" over his continuing "Keepin' The Faith" coif. He goes back to his computer and brings up a page called "Net Search" that doesn't exist (I Googled it, of all the time-space-continuum-challenging logic), types in what I think is "Students, West Coast Universities," and scans down a page with dozens of hundreds of email addresses. He searches again: "East Coast Professional Association." Again on "Cable Subscribers." And one more on "Djb's Already-Crashing Television Without Pity Email Address." He pastes them all into the same "TO" box and adds the subject line "The Mystery of Push, Nevada." He clicks "send." It sends. He takes a momentary pause just long enough for 10,000 responses unambiguously reading "unsubscribe" to hit his inbox. The end.

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Push, Nevada

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