Push, Nevada
Storybook Hero

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One Night in Prufrock and the World's Your Oyster

The Trucker's Wife carries the gravy into the adjoining room, where The Trucker sits at a set table with two candles burning (aw, it's even cuter and sadder when they try) and serves it to him accordingly. She sits down at the table and, after a beat, hazards the daily chit-chat of one of their brood: Enjoying your beer in a can, dear? Hormel Canned Meat Product hot enough for you, dear? Watching that Jeff Foxworthy special on TNN tonight before we engage in consensual lovemaking even though I'm your cousin, dear? And so on. Oh, and also, "How was work today?" The Trucker turns to regard the television behind him and an irrelevant shot of a brown '70s-era clock indicates that it's 9:10. It's a pointless conceit, except for the fact that it's not too far past that time in my reality, and I all but lunge through the screen and into the dining room set so I can grab the sharpest steak knife available and go to work on my wrists as the scene unfolds. The Trucker grunts in response, so The Trucker's Wife -- who looks, quite ironically, a bit like Kim Cattrall but much, much, much less trashy -- continues on: "I was thinking about writing in to that school -- the correspondence one -- and, y'know, taking an Astronomy course." The Trucker apparently stands by the steadfast belief of a woman's place being wherever the gravy boat happens to be docked, so he sweet-talks her with the wholly charming line, "We can talk about that later, honey. Besides, if you want to see the stars, I'll lift you to the heavens above." With which he takes off his hat, disappears under the table, and we cut away once The Trucker's Wife registers the look on her face that she is being given some convincingly white-trash cunnilingus at the dinner table. I hear this is exactly how Ricky got Lucy to give up her dreams of stardom and stay as a work-at-home wife. I hear they don't air that episode too much anymore. Stupid syndication cycle. By the way, you're waiting for me to take it all back and tell you this didn't actually happen. Sadly, that is not the case.

My God, my own interview for Push, Nevada recapper was hardly so arduous. Jim sits with Not His Lawyer in the continued placidness of Sheriff Relaxo's office, Jim recapping, "I don't think she's involved. But I can't say the same for her husband." Not His Lawyer shows us how up-to-speed he is on Not His Client, utilizing that dialogue trick you're only supposed to use when you're on the phone in bad community theater ("What's that? You say I'd better give you the money? What else? You also say I'd better hurry up and give you the money?"), asking, "And you said this other woman works at Sloman's?" "Yes," Jim reminds us, though we can pretty much guess who he's talking about, "Her name is Mary." Cut to a tell-tale shot of Taudrey, sitting at Sloman's bar attempting to cover her stage-makeup-made facial bruise with actual makeup. Well, that seems like a lot of work for nothing, doesn't it? Jim voices over, "And I suspect that her boss is involved in all of this."

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Push, Nevada

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