Pushing Daisies

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Bitterly Bad Idea

Outside Burly Bruce's door, the trio prepares for a confrontation. "What if he actually does believe that his doll is a real person?" Chuck muses: "Maybe that is his truth, and it's just different from our truth." Resisting the urge to fashion her hair into a gag to keep her from saying dumb things, Emerson tells Chuck the actual truth: "The truth ain't like puppies, running around where you pick your favorite. One truth. And it has come a-knockin'." With that, Emerson gets a-knockin' on Bruce's door, causing Ned new spasms of nerves, which perhaps this time are justified, because Burly Bruce lives up to his name pretty well. And, he says, friggin' Tina's just trying to frame him for her own crime. She came in screaming about Tony cheating on her and strangled him. The evidence, he says, backs him up. "Yeah," Emerson drones, "on that subject..." but he is interrupted with a hand-check from Chuck. She tell Burly Bruce that she has no doubt he could make mincemeat out of all of them if he needed to replenish his mincemeat supply, but the feminine touches of his life indicate that perhaps he would be unlikely to do this. "Maybe I got a girlfriend," he shoots back. "You ever think of that? And Sheila's got nuttin' to do with this." Emerson tries again: "About Sheila..." but he is once again cut off, this time by Ned asking whether Sheila witnessed the murder of friggin' Tony. Under the sweet persistence of Chuck, Bruce breaks down: "It was my fault! I never should have put her in that situation!" Yeah...about the situation.... Emerson reports some alternative crime details to the cops, friggin' Tina is released, and Bruce goes to jail to await his trial. Sheila, the doll, is also detained. In a body bag.

JD tells us that Olive, having been detained by her own angry thoughts for long enough, decides to escape the Pie Hole to the new candy shop across the street. "Welcome," says the Some Guy from earlier in the day. "Bitter much?" Interesting sales technique. Apparently, the candies from Balsam's Bittersweets taste all the sweeter if you're pissed off and hate everybody. Olive shares that she has a few things to be bitter about, yes, and Some Guy introduces himself. He's Billy Balsam, co-owner of the store. Chuck arrives, bearing a welcoming pie. "You're so sweet," Olive tells her. "Seriously, you could get a cavity standing next to this girl." For real, why don't Olive and Chuck just hook up and be done with Ned's bullshit? Maybe I have been watching too much Torchwood [insert the nerdtastic squee of TWoP's Doctor Who legions], but I feel like once you've faced death and been reborn, a little broadening of the sexual landscape should not be out of the question, right? What have you got to lose? You're never going to die (unless you literally bump into your boyfriend), so you might as well live it up a little.

Sidestepping my perverted ideas for a moment, Billy Balsam creepily announces the entrance of his sister, Dilly Balsam, the Queen of Candy, and into the room swirls none other than long-lost Molly Shannon, so cruelly absent from the airwaves for so many years we had almost forgotten how scarily funny she can be. And, how offensive -- as she is now, belittling the Pie Hole's quaint little crust roof and aggressively declaring her love for healthy competition. What she does not like, however, is her customers getting a whiff of the Georgia Peach Cobbler Chuck's brought in, and rushing out the door for the Pie Hole. Oops. Chuck apologizes, but Dilly is enflamed with rage. Also probably raging? All those potential Pie Hole customers who just ran across the street to what is, I presume, an empty restaurant, seeing as how its entire staff is standing in the candy store having an increasingly uncomfortable scene with the Balsams. Dilly is so mad to have her customers swept out from under her that she begins actually stuttering with anger. "Sorry," Billy deadpans, "my sister stutters when she's upset." Ned nervously asks why she'd even be upset. "Pretty nervy bringing your p-p-pie up in all by business," she says, "stealing all of my c-c-customers!" To their horror, she goes on to declare that if they want a war, a war is what they'll get. "Oh, she's eaking-out-fray," Olive says, enthralled by the drama. "What?!" Chuck asks, and Olive translates: "She's freaking out!" Dilly practically snarls in response: "You haven't seen anything! Ame-on-g-g-gay!" Ned, now confused and scared: "WHAT?!" Billy clarifies: "Game on!" Olive looks ready to rise to the challenge, but Ned and Chuck are mortified as Dilly repeats that the game is, indeed, on and tells them to get out. As they stumble out the door in shock, Dilly smiles a knowing smile. "That should shake 'em up," Billy snarks. "I like the stutter. It was off-putting and odd." With perfect intonation, Dilly adds that they'll have these Pie Hole amateurs out of business in a week.

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Pushing Daisies

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