Back from commercial, Ned stands anxiously on the sidewalk in front of his restaurant, looking up at the sign...which, due to the last two neon letters being mysteriously on the fritz, now reads "The Pie Ho." That's funny, yes, but wouldn't it be much funnier if it were 1993, or whenever it was that the word "ho" was still funny? Inside, to the chagrin of Chuck and Olive, Ned refuses to admit that the Balsams may have sabotaged the sign. "Why won't he do anything?" Olive asks, as Ned morosely wanders into the kitchen, refusing to acknowledge that they have only had a single customer that day. Chuck says that he's been acting strange since yesterday, and wonders whether Olive has any insight. Ah, now, see, that's going too far: I believe Olive has gone above and beyond on this whole Ned-loves-another scale and, as she points out to Chuck, yeah, she could probably give a multi-level tutorial on Ned, as long as Chuck doesn't mind Olive scratching her eyes out while she's doing it. "Why do you want me to care?" Olive asks, slightly desperate. "Because," Chuck says, "you really like him." Or, that's what we hear her say, but we see her say something else, like "because, he really likes you," or something like that -- they dubbed it and not well. Sorry, man, if you're going to paint up Anna Friel's lips so Rudolphian red, don't get upset if I notice that the words coming out of her mouth are not matching up. Olive shoots back that it would be nice if we lived in some alternate reality where liking someone was enough to make them like you back. "Of course," she adds to Chuck's delight, "that'd be a different universe, and then something else would probably suck."
Anyway, before Olive can lose her mind and do any eye-clawing, she has to see to the day's single customer, a besuited nerd at the bar, drinking coffee. Oh, but he's not just any suit -- he's a health inspector, and he doesn't appreciate the shade of lipstick adorning his mug. Not his color, apparently. I can see his point; he's more of an autumn. Mostly, he's just a bitch: he's giving The Pie Hole a surprise inspection and, frankly, they are pretty surprised. Especially when they receive multiple citations: for the lipstick cup, for not wearing hairnets, and for having Digby in the kitchen (gnawing a huge bone). Oh, yeah, and for having a secret room filled with rotten fruit. Oops. Olive unwittingly encourages Ned to open the door to reveal his moldy chamber, unaware of his little trick of bringing the dead fruit back to life for pie making. (Once again, that detail irritates me no end. How in the world is he supposed to bring a molded strawberry back to life and then somehow not touch it again while he prepares it to be cooked? I call bullshit on the rejuvenation of any non-human, non-animal substance. Otherwise, like, what if Ned went swimming in the Dead Sea? Huh? Yeah, I got you there. What if he got hold of Tara Reid's career? What would happen? Somebody stop me!)