All these things add up to a very poor inspection, indeed, and the Pie Hole is closed. "That inspection was no accident," Olive notes, with menace. "We are being attacked by a vicious nutbag, and we need to retaliate with a swift and overwhelming show of force." That's right! I am all for revenge in the right doses, especially when it comes to nutbags. Hey, I have been around the internutbag for a long time -- I have seen my share. Ned, however, is all wound up in his childhood trauma and can't stand the thought of retaliation. "She's coming to get us!" Olive insists, but Ned protests, downright pshawing. "Nobody's coming to get anybody," he whines. Oh, well, but she is -- Chuck parts the blinds to see Dilly coming to the door. The team rushes to get into place. Olive, for her small stature, wields a mighty rolling pin as Dilly simpers in, fake-apologizing for her behavior the day before, especially when she pretended to stutter. "I like to mislead my competition," she explains crazily. "Encourage underestimation with the idea that I have an impediment, but I know that stuttering can be a very serious disorder, and I only chose to mimic it because I'm legally blind." That made me scream -- I love Molly Shannon. Chuck and Olive give her the major stink-eye, insisting that she leave, but Dilly is done playing Ms. Nice Guy. "Oh, come on," she says. "We all know that the world of small business is nothing but a big, sexy game! Call me old-fashioned, but I like to win!" Ned, trying to hold his non-violent-resistance self together, asks why, with so many customers to go around, they can't both win. Because, Dilly says, she likes Ned's crust roof and corner location. "Oh," she adds sarcastically, "I was so, so sorry to hear about your inspection." Olive is horrified, saying Dilly didn't come by to apologize at all. "Nnnnnno," Dilly confirms. She came by to tell them that it is only going to get worse. They've shown multiple weaknesses and thus there will be more inspections, and more disruptions to the Pie Hole business. "Why," Chuck asks, "are you doing this to us?" Dilly blithely explains that what she wants, she takes. "I've looked death in the face," she adds, "and survived to open a successful candy franchise." She turns to Chuck: "Can you say that?" Chuck has to admit that, actually, yes, she can: "Not the candy franchise part, but--" Ned interrupts, with passion. "I won't let you bully me into a fight, Dilly," he says. "That's not how I settle things." Well, Dilly retorts, skipping out of the place, "then you'll lose." Chuck is appalled. "What is up with that...witch?"
JD delivers the goods. What was up with that witch was this: Dilly and Billy's world was turned upside down when their parents died of bird flu. Dilly felt adrift, Jim Dale goes on. But when we see her in flashback, she is anything but adrift. Rather, she is speeding across a cold lake in a gorgeous Hedren/Hitchcock homage, wearing a green sheath under a fabulous fur, seeking revenge against the birds who killed her parents and nearly being killed herself by said birds in a frenzied attack. My Lord, how that movie scared me to death as a child. I still hate birds, and I am pretty sure that's the root cause, though I also hate monkeys and, after a bottle or two of wine, have been known to go into deep and personal therapeutic detail on why I might be so passionately against those two otherwise innocent species. Anyway, so Dilly survived the bird attack to be rescued by a fisherman who gave her a piece of saltwater taffy, inspiring her to open her own candy store. Naturally.