Anyway, in this, the unending episode, the battle between Wilfred and Ned wages on. With Emerson still stuck in the transom and Chuck thus stuck outside, Ned also acquires a sword, somehow, and they have it out. Wilfred repeats that this he has taken umbrage that the family sword has been so molested.
Meanwhile (Al says, for the bazillionth time), Chuck continues to try to extricate Emerson. "Remember," she sing-songs. "Mind over matter makes Pooh unfatter!" Emerson grimaces. "I might be stuck," he snarls. "But I can still reach my gun."
Things are heating up inside. Wilfred has Ned on the ropes, as it were. "Now you should know," Wilfred announces, "that I was thrice named alternate sword master at the Southern Area Regional Volunteer Infantry Reenactment Regiment." Heeeeee! As impressive as it truly is, Ned is unmoved. Instead, he seems to have received a boost of courage from an unknown force. "I wanted," he says, "to be a Jedi!" With that, he rejoins the battle, and Wilfred's fortunes are reversed. They go at it, arguing about who killed which Schatz brother, and it truly goes on FOREVER. See, Wilfred was in the funeral home the day Ned brought Chuck back to life, and he saw Ned fleeing the scene and assumed Ned had killed Schatz. Ned denies responsibility, saying he didn't touch Lawrence until he was dead and in his coffin. Wilfred, alternately, says he did not touch Louis...until HE died, "and then I rolled him onto a dolly truck." I love Wilfred so much. He says (while still fighting) that he had to do it, having written a death threat, which has a way of coming back to haunt an individual. "Well, you framed someone for murder, you AAAASSSS," Ned yells, slightly out of character, but Wilfred says he had no choice. Ned gives a little speech about how yes, we all have choices and must do the best we can do, at which point he leaps, Errol Flynn-style, over the stair rail and onto a big velvet curtain, riding the rip down to the floor. I'm the only nerd who thought of this, right? That's okay.