Sidestepping my perverted ideas for a moment, Billy Balsam creepily announces the entrance of his sister, Dilly Balsam, the Queen of Candy, and into the room swirls none other than long-lost Molly Shannon, so cruelly absent from the airwaves for so many years we had almost forgotten how scarily funny she can be. And, how offensive -- as she is now, belittling the Pie Hole's quaint little crust roof and aggressively declaring her love for healthy competition. What she does not like, however, is her customers getting a whiff of the Georgia Peach Cobbler Chuck's brought in, and rushing out the door for the Pie Hole. Oops. Chuck apologizes, but Dilly is enflamed with rage. Also probably raging? All those potential Pie Hole customers who just ran across the street to what is, I presume, an empty restaurant, seeing as how its entire staff is standing in the candy store having an increasingly uncomfortable scene with the Balsams. Dilly is so mad to have her customers swept out from under her that she begins actually stuttering with anger. "Sorry," Billy deadpans, "my sister stutters when she's upset." Ned nervously asks why she'd even be upset. "Pretty nervy bringing your p-p-pie up in all by business," she says, "stealing all of my c-c-customers!" To their horror, she goes on to declare that if they want a war, a war is what they'll get. "Oh, she's eaking-out-fray," Olive says, enthralled by the drama. "What?!" Chuck asks, and Olive translates: "She's freaking out!" Dilly practically snarls in response: "You haven't seen anything! Ame-on-g-g-gay!" Ned, now confused and scared: "WHAT?!" Billy clarifies: "Game on!" Olive looks ready to rise to the challenge, but Ned and Chuck are mortified as Dilly repeats that the game is, indeed, on and tells them to get out. As they stumble out the door in shock, Dilly smiles a knowing smile. "That should shake 'em up," Billy snarks. "I like the stutter. It was off-putting and odd." With perfect intonation, Dilly adds that they'll have these Pie Hole amateurs out of business in a week.
Back from commercial, Ned stands anxiously on the sidewalk in front of his restaurant, looking up at the sign...which, due to the last two neon letters being mysteriously on the fritz, now reads "The Pie Ho." That's funny, yes, but wouldn't it be much funnier if it were 1993, or whenever it was that the word "ho" was still funny? Inside, to the chagrin of Chuck and Olive, Ned refuses to admit that the Balsams may have sabotaged the sign. "Why won't he do anything?" Olive asks, as Ned morosely wanders into the kitchen, refusing to acknowledge that they have only had a single customer that day. Chuck says that he's been acting strange since yesterday, and wonders whether Olive has any insight. Ah, now, see, that's going too far: I believe Olive has gone above and beyond on this whole Ned-loves-another scale and, as she points out to Chuck, yeah, she could probably give a multi-level tutorial on Ned, as long as Chuck doesn't mind Olive scratching her eyes out while she's doing it. "Why do you want me to care?" Olive asks, slightly desperate. "Because," Chuck says, "you really like him." Or, that's what we hear her say, but we see her say something else, like "because, he really likes you," or something like that -- they dubbed it and not well. Sorry, man, if you're going to paint up Anna Friel's lips so Rudolphian red, don't get upset if I notice that the words coming out of her mouth are not matching up. Olive shoots back that it would be nice if we lived in some alternate reality where liking someone was enough to make them like you back. "Of course," she adds to Chuck's delight, "that'd be a different universe, and then something else would probably suck."