Queer as Folk U.K.
Constant Craving

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Della Femina: D | 1 USERS: A-
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Constant Craving

Stuart, meanwhile, has emerged from Romey and Lisa's with his testicles still intact, and is standing in front of Marie's front door with a huge bouquet of flowers. He rings the bell, she answers the door and then slams it in his face. After the second ring, she lets him in. "Is this what you do on Saturday, just call 'round and apologise for the week?" Well, it's definitely what he should be doing on Saturdays, but I think it's safe to say that Stuart rarely utters an apology. He reminds Marie that he did leave a message. Her face softens and she admits that the child-minder is really bad about taking messages. Stuart tells her to get an answering machine, and Marie reminds him that her husband took it with him when he left. "Here, buy a new one," Stuart says, getting out his chequebook. Marie says that the car needs servicing as well, because the clutch is playing up, and that one of her sons wants new software. "We'll call it five hundred, then," Stuart tells her, just a wee bit irritated. "Oh, and Mum and Dad are getting divorced," Marie adds, almost as an afterthought. "Yeah, yeah, funny joke," Stuart says, signing the cheque. "And you've been to see them, have you?" she asks, clearly annoyed. "You've driven all of ten miles to go and see them? Of course they don't tell you, they don't tell golden boy. Me, I get it all." Stuart, suddenly taking her seriously, asks Marie what they've said to her. "'Course, you could just write a cheque, 'cos that makes everything all right, doesn't it?" Marie snipes, which is a much more pissy attitude than I would take with somebody who'd just written me a cheque for £500. "If you don't believe me, go and see them," she says, taking the cheque from Stuart. "I'll draw you a map."

That night, Vince and Cameron are on Canal Street, approaching a club. Vince tells Cameron that they don't have to go clubbing if he doesn't want to, but Cameron insists that they do whatever Vince wants. With this, I think I can confidently proclaim that Cameron is, in fact, the anti-Stuart. Inside, they stand against the railing on the balcony, and Hazel and Bernard spot them from across the club. As Cameron tells Vince that he spent three years in Sydney, going to all the clubs and living it up, only to move halfway around the world and find the same men in the same clubs, Hazel moves in to get a better look at Cameron. Vince spots her and motions for her to go away. Cameron notices Hazel and says to Vince that he recognizes her from the funeral. "What woman?" Vince asks, playing dumb (quite a stretch, I'm sure). "That one there," Cameron says, pointing to Hazel. "She was putting half the food in her handbag." Just then, Stuart comes bounding up to Vince. "Where the fuck have you been?" he shouts, collapsing with laughter. Vince reintroduces him to Cameron. "Yeah, we met by the buffet. I liked that buffet; it was fuckin' excellent," Stuart says, laughing in a way that just shouts, "I am on drugs! Expect stupidity!" Vince goes off to get him a drink -- just what he needs -- and Stuart eyes Cameron, who says nothing. Stuart then starts talking about his job, saying he could do it in his sleep. "I'm looking around," he says. "What for?" Cameron asks, because obviously they don't teach you about prepositions and their proper place at accounting school. "Anything. There's always something better, isn't there? Waiting to come along...You know that feeling?" he asks provocatively, obviously in an effort to get with Cameron. At that moment, Vince arrives with the drinks and Cameron makes a point of saying, "You took your time. I missed you," and lays a big old snog on him. Stuart looks away, clearly uncomfortable, and says, "Oh, don't mind me," waltzing off. "Where's he going?" Vince asks Cameron. "Up his own arse," he answers with a smile. Close, Cameron. Very, very close. When they get back to Vince's flat, Vince is very nervous and asks Cameron if he'd like a drink. Cameron asks Vince if he's going to have one, and Vince says that he's only having one. "I can't stay up. I'll have to chuck you out; I'm working first thing." Cameron suddenly becomes Mr. Close-Talker, and gets in Vince's face to tell him he'll have a gin and tonic. Vince moves to the kitchen as quickly as he can, and apologizes for Stuart's behaviour, saying he hasn't seen him that inebriated in ages. "Some friend," Cameron snorts. "He was making a pass at me." Vince, not even entertaining the thought that it's true, leaps to Stuart's defense. "No! He's always acts like that." Cameron insists that he's been around enough to know when someone's making a pass at him. "No, really. He wouldn't fancy you," Vince assures him. "Thanks," Cameron says sarcastically. "No, I mean, it's just types," Vince tries to explain. "You know what I mean? He wouldn't." Cameron won't be budged. "He did." As Cameron walks to the living room, Vince looks disturbed. Because what a shock to the system it must be, facing the startling revelation that Stuart is a ho. Vince looks at Stuart's picture on his refrigerator -- oh, Lord -- and gets a funny look on his face, while Cameron makes note of his Doctor Who shrine. "Are you one of those anorak blokes?" Cameron asks Vince as he's handed his drink. Without warning, Vince kisses Cameron and tackles him onto the sofa, knocking over a stack of videos. "Your tapes!" Cameron cries. "Sod the tapes!" Vince replies as they rip each other's shirts off and take turns pinning each other to the wall. Having second thoughts, Vince asks, "Which tapes?" before he and Cameron fall into bed together. I'm thinking that Vince having Doctor Who on the brain may reduce his stamina in bed; call it a hunch.

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Queer as Folk U.K.

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