Queer as Folk U.K.
Crimes Of The Heart

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Crimes Of The Heart

"D'you think I look lesbian?" Hmm, great opening line, that. Romey and Stuart are ambling across the lot at a car dealership, Stuart holding Alfred while Romey worries about that day's impending interview with the officials from the Home Office who are reviewing Lance's visa application. "I mean, [they] deal with fake weddings all the time. Maybe they can just tell." Stuart roundly ignores her qualms, thanking her for the lift to the car dealership. A salesman beams as he watches Stuart kiss Alfred and Romey before they depart, looking for all the world like an attractive yuppie family. The salesman follows Stuart as he saunters around a Jeep similar to the one Nathan's father totalled, trying to pitch him on a different model: "Just think Sahara; it's more expensive, but I've got to be honest about the Sport...We get a lot of gay guys buying this one. And fair enough, they're cutting edge, those boys, but a man like yourself...I'm thinking image." Stuart cuts him off: "I like this one." The salesman doesn't know when to shut up. "Thing about those lads," he says, as if he's sharing some trade secret with Stu, "money to burn. Then they die young, so we get the resale value." Stuart glares at his back as the salesman heads into the showroom, telling his potential customer to go ahead and take the Jeep for a test-drive. As the salesman sits at his desk, Stuart revs the engine and they smile at each other, the salesman giving a little wave. Then Stuart drives the Jeep through the showroom window. Yes, really. Bodies fly, papers go in all directions, and when Stuart finally hits the brakes, he sticks his head out of the Jeep and asks in his jolliest manner, "Where do I sign?" Best. Scene. Ever.

Across town, Vince's co-worker, Marcie, is back from her holiday in Scotland and asking the other girls in the store for all the latest gossip. Vince, as you might imagine, is a bit worried by this, especially when he walks past the women all clustered together and they laugh uproariously as he passes. I'm sure he gets that reaction a lot, though.

Meanwhile, at school, Nathan's English teacher is discussing Wilfred Owen and his time in the military, when Christian Hobbs points out that the poet was "queer." The teacher thanks Christian for his insight, and tells him it has nothing to do with the poetry, before adding a snide remark about how Owen probably found plenty of things to do in the trenches other than fight. "Sir, they all said, 'Here comes Owen -- backs to the wall!'" Christian cracks. Donna whips 'round to look at Nathan, who is sitting at his desk, staring straight ahead and seething. So far, I'm thinking Stuart's having the best day out of all these guys, which is really saying something. After class, Nathan tells Donna that he's going to leave school when he's sixteen and get a flat with Dazz and a job in a bar on Canal Street. Christian Hobbs walks toward them and Donna rages at him, "Had a good look, then?" Nathan asks Donna what her outburst was all about, but she demurs. "Was he looking at me?" Nathan asks her excitedly. Donna informs him that not everything that happens is about him, not every look they get is about him, and offers the comment that her mother's boyfriend's moved in by way of explanation. "Like you care," she adds. "It's all Nathan and Dazz, Dazz and the flat and the Village. Me, I could be bleeding from the eyes." Well, if Nathan keeps wearing that orange t-shirt from episode seven, blood could very well drip from all our eyes. (I promise, I'll recover from that spectacle soon enough.) Nathan looks genuinely ashamed and apologizes, asking her how things are going at home. "He's okay. He keeps walking out the bathroom naked," she says quietly. Let's all hope Nathan feels suitably shitty at this point, shall we?

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Queer as Folk U.K.




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