Hazel and Bernard pull up to the house, just getting home from Phil's funeral, and Nathan is already sitting on the stoop. "Aye, aye, Bernard -- one of yours," Hazel chides. Vince, putting Alfred into the back of the Jeep, answers a call on his cell phone. "Who did? He's done WHAT?" he roars, shooting a scornful look at Stuart. "What?" Stuart asks innocently. They drive to Hazel's, where Vince gets out of the Jeep and stares hatefully at Stuart, who remains seated, staring into space. Vince picks up the baby carrier and Stuart finally follows him into the house. "How the FUCK did she know my name?!" he demands of Nathan, who blames Donna. "Nathan, you have made a big mistake," Stuart says quite seriously. "You've actually imagined that I give a shit." Hee! Nathan getting yelled at = good, even if it is by someone who's equally deserving of a telling-off. I'll take what I can get, here. Anyway, Vince is sitting in a chair, holding Alfred and looking very pissed off. Stuart tells Nathan to go back to his "schoolboy life" and leave everyone else alone. Nathan looks to Hazel and Bernard and tells them that he can't go home because his mum told his dad that he's gay, and was furious. "He called me 'poof' and threw me out! He'll hit me if I go back!" Bernard says that no, his dad won't hit him, because he (Bernard) will take it upon himself to sort him out, and report him to the police if necessary. He asks Nathan where he lives, and Nathan refuses to tell him. "What's his surname?" Bernard asks Hazel. "Maloney," answers Vince. "Right, I'll call every Maloney in the book till I find him," Bernard threatens. Nathan, not being the most seasoned liar, cries out, "It wasn't me dad! It was these boys. It was these boys at school, they said they'd kill me. I can't go back or they'll kill me!" Join with me in the all-too-familiar refrain: "Oh, the drama." Vince laughs derisively and remarks, "You can't believe a word he says." Nathan asks Stuart if he can stay with him. Wow, I totally expected Stuart to welcome him with open arms, didn't you? Needless to say, he tells Nathan that no, he can't stay with him. Nathan responds by threatening to run away to London. "I don't care, I'll be a rentboy and I'll be murdered!" he shouts. Hazel laughs and says, "You know you're getting older when the drama queens start looking younger." Indeed. Nathan appeals to her to let him spend the night, just for one night. "He's stupid enough," Vince comments. "He could run off." Bernard glances at Hazel and says, "Christ, does that mean I'm sleeping with you?" Hazel looks at him and makes a face like Mick Jagger kissing the air. It's cute. Hazel rules. Nevertheless, she does let Nathan stay, and he goes up to Vince's old room and starts looking around. Downstairs, Stuart tells Hazel to "pack him off home." Vince looks at him evenly and says, in a voice that's suddenly and scarily gone down about eight octaves, "You do it. It's your problem." I have to say, I'm really proud of Vince for finally getting on Stuart's case in a thoroughly non-joking manner. All we have to do is eliminate his little Dalek jones and he'll be well on his way to non-lamity. Stuart gives his standard response: "Fuck off, Vince." He gets up and walks towards the stairs, saying that he's going for a piss. Hazel is determined to get an address and phone number out of Nathan, and Bernard tells her that the problem is not gay, not homosexual -- it's cock. "You're fifteen, and your mother knows you like cock." He pauses to take a drag on his ciggie. "Fair dues -- it is revolting."
Queer as Folk U.K.
Episode Report Card1337 USERS: C+
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Queer as Folk U.K.