Back in the locker room, Nathan and Christian Hobbs are sitting on a bench in front of a row of lockers, shooting the shit about women and sex, and the lack thereof in their lives. Christian closes his eyes and leans back, clasping a hand over his crotch. Nathan -- either taking some kind of hint that I couldn't see or taking a huge risk which I did actually spot -- puts out his cigarette and reaches out for Christian's zipper. He undoes it with one hand and proceeds to -- quite expertly, it would appear -- give Christian a hand job. And I, uh, had to hit rewind about twelve times just to make sure I got the sequence down right, if anyone asks.
Still at Phil's mother's house, Stuart is standing on the stairs, chatting up the cute boy. Vince, clearly very fed up after his chat with Mrs. Delaney, finds him and asks if they can go. "Later," Stuart says, turning his attention back to his prey. Vince sighs heavily and stomps down the stairs, obviously annoyed. Stuart, for one shocking moment putting someone else's wants and needs in front of his own want and need for cheap sex, tells the cute boy that they'll continue their conversation some other time and gives him his card.
We then get a rather amusing shot of Christian Hobbs tearing out of the locker room, completely flustered and tucking his shirt into his trousers, quickly followed by a very pleased, grinning Nathan. He makes a beeline for Donna and tells her what he's just done. "No!" she exclaims in disbelief, something she's gotten quite used to doing, I'd imagine. Later, as the two of them skip across the schoolyard, Donna tells Nathan that he's like Mozart, doing everything young. "And I've only just started," Nathan replies confidently. "Sick of you!" Donna shoots back, and the audience responds with a chorus of "Hallelujah!" -- though I'm pretty sure Donna said it in a much more playful tone than the rest of us would have. All of a sudden, Christian Hobbs and some other boys run by, chasing a younger, pudgier kid. They back him into a corner underneath a staircase as Donna and Nathan look on; Christian turns to face Nathan, then calls the little kid a queer and pummels his face with his fist. Okay, so, did Queer as Folk nick the repressed-homosexual-as-gay-basher thing from American Beauty, or vice versa? Answers on a postcard to the forums, please.
Once in the Jeep, Vince tells Stuart that he just wants to go home, but Stuart says that they've got things to do. Using the key that Stuart lifted from the bowl in the hallway, they go to Phil's house to get all of his porn out of the way, so that his mother doesn't have to see it. "I didn't think you cared about your shags," Vince says, betraying his attempted casual demeanour over the whole Stuart-fucking-Phil thing. Stuart momentarily ignores his comment, telling him to take care of the videos and he'll do the rest. He says to Vince that he's going to get a spare key for his flat made, so that if anything happens to him Vince can come in and clean out all of the pornography. "Come and save me, Vince," Stuart implores. Are we supposed to read something into that? Because I totally did not lose consciousness from the force with which that was beaten over my head. Oh, wait, yes I did. Vince replies that he'll make a key, too, and give it to Stuart. "Like anything's gonna happen to you," Stuart scoffs, laughing off the suggestion. "I told you," he says, sitting down and booting up Phil's computer, "He was a crap shag -- came in two seconds flat." See how he acted like a jerk for the entire day and then assuaged Vince's fears right before he reached the breaking point? That's just the kind of guy Stuart is.