First things first: A "wank" is...well, a jerk-off session, for lack of a more tasteful definition. A "wanker" is, literally, someone who jerks off; more accurately, it's someone who is a jerk. So that's your first lesson in Brit-speak for this episode, and one which you'll be wise to remember.
The opening shot of this show frames Vince -- who we will all come to love (possibly) and pity (definitely) as the cute, huggable, lonesome loser of Queer as Folk -- facing the camera and saying something forgettable and of little consequence about Babylon, the gay club of choice on Manchester's Canal Street. But at least he's set the scene for us.
After a night on the tiles, Vince and his mate Phil have not "copped off" (lesson number two: That's Brit-speak for picking someone up), though their friend Stuart -- who appears to be copulating with a blonde man in a phone booth -- certainly has. From the conversation taking place between Phil and Vince, you get the feeling that Stuart doesn't spend too many lonely nights at home, watching ER and crying into a carton of Haagen-Dazs. As Phil tells Vince what a raw deal he (Vince) is getting by holding the keys to Stuart's Jeep (thus not being able to drink, as well as having to chauffeur Stuart and hangers-on around all night), Vince protests that he really doesn't mind. What he does seem to mind is the bald, beefy hulk of a man who's following him down the street, Manson Lamps ( The Sopranos) and manic "I want YOU" smile firmly in place. I'll have to check, but I think the same guy was on WWF Smackdown the other week.
Then comes another bizarre and forgettable voice-over from Vince, something about how sometimes you get bored while you're shagging, so you go stand in the doorway and beat off while you wait for someone better to come along. If you say so, Vinnie. Anyway, this is his way of introducing us to the boy who became Stuart's "someone better" that night -- someone he calls "the one-night-stand that never went away".
Right on cue, we see a young blond boy of maybe nineteen, smoking a Silk Cut, pulling his jacket (which is frighteningly Members Only-esque) around him and generally looking like a farm boy lost in the big city. He stops a stranger and asks him where the best place to go is. Pointing at different clubs and bars, the man answers, "Well, if you're looking for bastards, you go in there. If you're looking for wankers, go in there. And if you're looking for selfish little mincing piss-tight dickheads, pick a building, any building!" Um, whatever, dude.
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