Vince, meanwhile, is getting very pissed off at the spectacle in the backseat, which he's watching in the rear-view mirror -- leading to him almost crashing the Jeep. He informs Stuart that he's taking Nathan home, and that's final. Stuart kisses Nathan, who tells Vince defiantly that he's not going home, he's going back to Stuart's. "Good boy," coos Stuart, and I think to myself that silly teenaged boys really aren't that different from silly teenaged girls. The males aren't from Mars, and the women aren't from Venus; they're both from planet Whipped, and I think that Nathan was just appointed their leader.
Vince, more dejected than ever, goes home and throws an old -- and well-worn, we can tell -- Doctor Who video in the VCR, reciting the lines along with the actors. So, no, not at all lame and piteous. I honestly expect him to appear in the next scene all kitted out in full Dalek regalia.
In the meantime, Nathan is lying on his stomach across Stuart's bed. Stuart is on top of him, licking him from the nape of his neck to the small of his back...and lower. Naturally, they are both nude. Stuart's lapping action starts to move lower and lower, until it is quite obvious that his tongue has grasped the brass ring, as it were. Nathan shivers and moans with delight, and Stuart says to him, "No one ever told you about that, did they?" They then begin to have sex, with Stuart taking obvious care to go slowly for his virgin conquest's sake. He then starts babbling about the football team and gets rougher with Nathan, and it's all too apparent that he is quite fucked up on whatever those pills were that he took.
The next morning, Vince wakes up to the sound of a car alarm; he looks out the window and sees two kids jumping up and down on the roof of the Jeep and trying to rip off the windshield wipers. He sprints down the stairs and outside, but the kids run away, yelling, "Y'poof [gay person]! Y'fucking queer!"
After Stuart's alarm goes off, Nathan hesitantly reaches to place his arm over his chest, a gesture that is both touching and, well, sad. Stuart opens his eyes, which move rapidly to read the multi-coloured scrawls that cover his bedroom walls. Nathan reminds him that he drew "Stuart's Sex Map" all over them last night, in an attempt to illustrate all of the countries where he's had sex. In his drug-induced, apathetic haze, Stuart's also created a replica of the Millennium Dome in the dining area, much to his own annoyance. He says -- more to himself than to Nathan, who can hear him from the bathroom -- that he thinks his dealer gave him dog worming pills again instead of ecstasy. Yeah, I hate when that happens. Stuart then hits the Play button of his answering machine, hearing a message from Romey which had been left the night before, when he was out clubbing and had his cell phone turned off. When she mentions something about her contractions, Stuart exclaims, "FUCK! I've got a baby!" (I wish I had an audio clip of him saying this for you to listen to, because it really is a note-perfect delivery; make no mistake about it, Aiden Gillen has the self-absorbed jerk thing down pat.) Instead of moping, he reminds himself, out loud, what a "twat" (erm, that means "stupid fool" over in the UK) he is, and then asks -- not completely rhetorically -- "Why doesn't anyone stop me? It's not my fault." This pretty much sums up Stuart's entire take on himself and his life, methinks. But there's no time for self-contemplation when there's soapy love to be made, and he wastes no time jumping in the shower with Nathan.