Queer as Folk U.K.
That's What Friends Are For

Episode Report Card
Della Femina: D | 1 USERS: A
That's What Friends Are For

On the street below is parked a cherry red Mini which has definitely seen its better days. "It's a Mini! A clapped-out old Mini! That's pathetic!" Dazz squeals with delight. Hazel glares at him. "Bernie, give us your bucket," she says, grabbing Dazz's glass. Now that's going to bat for your kid: making his detractors drink an old man's piss. It's the kind of move Tommy Chong would come up with, and Hazel's not even a pothead, so kudos to her. We cut to Vince in the driver's seat, revving the engine and checking out the inside of the car. Alexander leans in the window and coos, "Ooh, Vince, serious present -- it's like being married!" Vince, suddenly brought sharply into focus, mutters to himself, "Run like the wind." Frankly, I think Vince could probably run faster than the Mini, so running like the wind might not be a bad idea even if we weren't talking about running from Cameron.

As the guests file back into the flat, Vince's eyes widen when he sees K9 -- the robot dog from Doctor Who -- standing in the middle of the room. He is completely stunned and looks at Stuart, who's holding K9's remote control and grinning. "Where'd you get it? Did you hire it or what?" Vince asks him incredulously. "Happy birthday," Stuart responds. "But you got the party and everything --" Vince protests, and is cut off by Stuart's reply: "Okay, I'll take it back. Watch this." He presses a button on the remote and the dog spins around, its red eyes glowing. Vince -- like all of the guests -- obviously thinks a lot more of this present than he did of Cameron's, a fact that is not lost on poor Cazza. As Vince runs to Stuart and hugs him, gushing, "That is completely, completely fantastic! God, I'm so sad!" -- er, yes, we know -- Cameron looks the perfect combination of desolate, pissed off, and ready to give up. It's a look that quite suits him, actually; the wrinkles help. Moments later, he sidles up to Stuart at the table where all the drinks are set up, and seethes, "You're never going to fuck him, so why d'you keep him waiting? He's not thirty; he's twelve. You're keeping him at twelve." Stuart, of course, just keeps grinning.

Meanwhile, guess who's standing outside Stuart's building, ringing the doorbell? Rosalie. Hmm, wonder who invited her? If you haven't figured that one out, the shot of Stuart glancing at his watch might lend a clue. Bernard picks up the phone to buzz her in, and without asking who it is or realising it's not a gay male, says, "Come on up and get your cock out!" I was all ready to accuse Russell T. Davies of stealing that line from the invitations Anne Heche gives to cameramen on the sets of her movies, but considering this episode was written way before Anne Heche had a famous girlf...I mean, the clout to make films, it may be the other way around. Anyway, Rosalie just giggles at Bernard's comment; not that she's gagging for it or anything, but she's more embarrassed than disgusted at the utterance of the phrase "get your cock out." Somehow I think the scales would tip greatly in favour of disgust if Bernard had been using a videophone. She also has the good fortune to enter the flat as Alexander is lip-synching to the Spice Girls' "Lady is a Vamp" while wearing Hazel's dress, full makeup, and a turban on his head.

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Queer as Folk U.K.




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