They sit on a bench, Lisa holding a pack of letters in her lap -- love letters from Romey, written from the beginning of their relationship up to the present time. "Lesbian letters. Can I read them?" Stuart asks with a grin. "I doubt it; it's joined-up handwriting," Lisa replies dryly. Just insert "Hee!" after everything Lisa says, because she's endlessly amusing, and the chemistry with Stuart makes it even better. Too bad (SPOILER WARNING!) they never end up in bed together. Lisa explains that the letters will make it clear to the Home Office that the marriage is a scam; that way, Lance gets deported, Stuart doesn't have to worry about Alfred being taken from him, and Lisa can have her Romey back. Stuart questions why he's the one who has to send them. "These could only have come from inside the house," Lisa says. "You send them!" replies Stuart. "You're in and out of that house all the time. And, of course, you're a malicious bastard." Of course. Lisa spells out for Stuart that they can't send them anonymously, as someone's got to take the blame, and Romey is never going to forgive the culprit, but Romey's got a very good solicitor (i.e. Lisa) to remind her she can't deny a father access to his child. "So it all becomes my fault?" Stuart asks, clearly not pleased with the idea. Lisa looks at him evenly and says, "I look after your kid every day; every night he's screaming the place down. You owe me." Stuart just sits there, looking torn and -- if I can mention it -- very fucking fine. He's suddenly tan and looks like he's got more Crisco in his hair than Elvis used to put on his fried peanut-butter-and-bacon sandwiches, but he's still quite edible.
At home, Stuart sits in a chair and reads the letters while a team of cleaners go to work clearing the debris from the party. "Too much information," he says to himself, abandoning the letters. Later, the flat's spic-and-span, and Stuart's sprawled out on the couch when the buzzer permeates the silence. It's Nathan, who says that Vince and Cameron have been over at Hazel's all day, slagging Stuart off. Nathan asks Stuart if he's okay, and while Stuart is visibly touched by the sentiment, he still tells Nathan to fuck off. Twice. Turning back into the flat, he suddenly claps eyes on the lesbian letters and realises this would be an excellent opportunity to scam the fuck out of yet another innocent person -- twice in one episode, yo. Not that that's a record for Stuart or anything, but he does like to seize these opportunities as they present themselves. He buzzes Nathan up, quickly strips down to his underwear and an unbuttoned shirt, and pretends to be lounging around, completely bored, when Nathan walks in. Nathan is wearing skin-tight black jeans, an orange t-shirt that says "Bitch" on the front, and his hair is slicked back à la John Travolta in Grease. It is not, shall we say, a good look. He tells Stuart that he's been defending him to Vince and Cameron, telling them Stuart's not as bad as they think he is. "Nathan, you're a little boy. Don't fucking think you know me," Stuart tells him coldly. After a pause, he suggests that Nathan just leave. "It's not Vince, it's...lots of things," he says. Nathan, of course, takes the bait. "Like what?"