Helen Shaver's co-hosting tonight. Gay creds: a movie called Desert Hearts, in which she played a lesbian in 1950s Nevada. I also found out that Michelle Clunie and Thea Gill used that movie as inspiration for their relationship as Melanie and Lindsay, so that's pretty cool that they have her on. I always confuse her with Helen Slater, who played Supergirl, and is also Christian Slater's sister. Thanks for listening. Oh, and the warning is back at the beginning. That's because lots of people are going to be fully-frontal nekkid. I'm just warning you.
Brian walks into his office, followed by Cynthia, his assistant. He tells her to book him in the best resort in the Bahamas. He doesn't specify which island, and aren't there, like, a thousand of them, or something? Cynthia grins, "What, is South Beach over?" Snicker. I was just there a few months ago, and uh, definitely not. Brian says that Liberty -- which I assume is a client -- is sending him to the Bahamas for a marketing retreat. Cynthia nods, "Oh, so this is all work and no play?" Brian raises a perfectly arched eyebrow; remember who you're talking to, girly. Cynthia rolls her eyes, and sighs that she'll crack open the Spartacus guide and see what she can find. Grand Poobah Ryder walks in and informs Brian that someone else is going on the rereat. And furthermore, he needs Brian to go home. Cynthia beats a hasty retreat, and the Poobah closes the door after her. Ryder assures Brian that it's just until the harassment suit blows over; Brian pouts, "Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?" Ryder points out that Liberty Air is fairly conservative: "What would happen if they found out that their account executive was involved in a gay sex scandal?" Brian snorts, "You mean, they wouldn't mind a straight one?" Word. Ryder ignores him and continues by saying that he spoke with the legal department: "You're going to be seeing a rep from Human Resources; there's going to be an outside investigation, followed by a tribunal with an impartial mediator." Man. Does he get fries with all that? Brian asks when the hanging is. Ryder advises him to get a good lawyer, and then solemnly walks out. Cynthia is about to walk back in, but then sees Brian turned to the wall, and thinks better of it.
Liberty Diner. Mike shakes his head, "I told you not to fuck him." No, he wasn't even around when Brian fucked him, but whatever. Brian answers, apropos of nothing, "Do you ever notice that when your Mom's not serving us, the portions shrink by approximately one third?" He calls to the waiter, "I said 'fries'? Plural?" Wow, he doesn't even get fries when he gets fries. Tough week. Ted says that it's akin to his boss having sex with him; Mike snorts that Ted's boss "is, like, seventy-two." Brian grimaces that he's trying to eat, here. Ted admonishes, "You don't prey on the help." Brian tells him that Kip went after him, which sounds like the oldest cliché in the world, even though it's totally true -- which is kind of ironic, if you think about it. Ted just rolls his eyes. Mike tells Brian that he'll feel better after he works out. Why is that, exactly? Mike and Brian get up to leave, and Mike asks Ted if he's coming. Ted says it's just not the same without his "gym buddy," Emmett. Brian sighs that he and Mike will be his gym buddies, but Ted shakes his head: "Emmett would let me get away with murder. You guys will make me sweat." Mike confirms that they'll see him at Woody's later, though, right? Ted shakes his head: "Woody's isn't the same without my beer buddy there, pointing out all the cute guys and spilling drinks all over me." See, now he's making me sad. I miss Emmett, too. Brian grins, "We'll spill drinks all over you." Ha! Mike reminds Ted that Emmett can't commit to a damn thing. Brian adds that Emmett will get over this straight phase, too. Brian's going to be nice to pretty much everyone this episode, so hang on. As Mike and Brian leave, Brian calls back to Ted, "Thanks for lunch." Okay, maybe not that nice -- by the look on Ted's face, he wasn't aware he was buying.