...and it turns out that Brian's mom lives right next to an "urban basketball court," as I'm sure it reads in the script. A basketball game is in full effect, and Ben appears to be the only white guy on the court. It's hard to tell if he's any good, because they shoot the scene in such a way that people are just passing the ball and dodging. Passing and dodging. You see the occasional basket, but you don't know who threw it. Ben gets a rebound. Mike's there, cheering in surprise. Oh, it's so embarrassing, seeing Mikey there. Like a bad stalker ex-girlfriend. Mike makes a series of comments that prove he knows nothing about any kind of sport at all, and then makes the excuse that he's "queer." Ben says he's queer, too. Mikey's all, "Boy, you know I noticed, okaaaaaay?" Mikey can't believe how beautiful men can look in sweat suits as he watches, mouth agape, at the basketball game. One of the players announces that he has to go. Ignoring all rules of pick-up basketball, Mikey flings his arms into the air and announces that he'll cover. There's no way they'd give him the ball in the middle of the game, but they do, and Mikey awkwardly dribbles with both hands over to where Ben's standing. One of the players calls him "Mighty Mouse." Ben says that Mike's gonna get killed, and asks for the ball back. Michael says no. He says he won't give Ben the ball unless Ben agrees to go out with Michael tonight. Man, this is so embarrassing. Mike: he said no. Give it a rest. Be a stalker in private. Another player asks Mike for the ball back. Mike calls him Godzilla. "Huh?" the guy asks. Mike says he's not handing over the ball until Ben agrees to go out with him. The basketball player extra in the back is rocking like he has to pee. Ben asks Michael if he's out of his mind. Mike just keeps dribbling with both hands. Why don't they just smack the ball out of his hands? Godzilla turns to Ben and says, "I suggest you say yes, because if he's like the bitch I got at home, we're gonna be standing here all day." And with one sentence, this show has offended just about everyone in the land! Wait...maybe Asian people are still feeling like they aren't offended, since this show completely ignores them as a race. Mikey keeps acting like a moron, and Ben looks as mortified as he should.
Brian's walking his mother to church. They find a seat in the front. Brian looks at the large crucifix on the wall and jokes, "Jesus. Told him to lay off the Slim-Fast." Oh, man. There aren't even any words, you guys. There just aren't. Brian's mom asks him to behave himself in church. She says that when she comes here, she feels a sense of calm. Brian looks around the room, but doesn't bother taking his coat off. Brian's mom says she feels protected and safe. Brian says that a good security system would do the same job, and would be cheaper than a collection plate. Brian's mom says the new minister has been a great comfort to her since Brian's dad died. "He calls, he visits," she says. "He makes sure I'm all right. Oh, he's been...like a son." Brian's unamused. "Well, for his sake I sure hope you don't treat him like one," Brian winces. The new minister walks in. We're all treated to a flashback of Brian fucking the shit out of the new minister. Everyone in the congregation sits back down except Brian, with visions of minister plums still dancing in his head. Brian sits down and can't control his titters.