Queer as Folk U.S.
Accentuate The Positive

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B | 1 USERS: A+
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Holy Moly!

Emmett and Ted are at some doctor's office, but it's clearly just the corner of a room with a curtain drawn around it. The production values on this show are so sad. The doctor makes overly-doctor-sounding noises and then makes very inappropriate jokes. "That's quite a boner you've got there," he says. Dick Joke #5. Emmett asks why the dick won't go down. The doctor says it's probably a blood clot to the penis. Ted moans. Emmett says at least it's not a blood clot to the brain. Ted mentions that he thinks with his dick. Dick Joke #6. Cue the vaudeville screen joke. We can see the doctor flicking Ted's penis through the backlighting of the curtain. He says it's "extremely unusual." No, it's not that unusual. I've seen it on ER before. The doc says it's "one for the medical journals." Emmett suggests the Guinness Book of World Records. Dick Joke #7. Ted asks what he should do. The doc tells Ted to take a decongestant. He says the other option is to insert two wide needles into the shaft to drain the blood. We watch the doctor mime this through the sheet as Emmett makes a face. Ted quickly comments that decongestants have been very effective for him. Emmett asks when it'll go down. The doc says it's "hard to say." Number #8. Ted glares at Emmett.

Karaoke bar. Someone's butchering "Hot Stuff." Ted drinks a beer and says he needs a "stiff one." Number #9. "The other kind," he says, annoyed. Why would he even say "stiff one" if he's all touchy about his erection? Emmett reminds Ted that it'll go down. Brian says his did. Justin says it's because his mom showed up. Ew. "She can make anyone lose their hard-on," Justin says. Nice talk about other people's mothers, asshole. Ted asks if he can get Brian's mom's phone number. Mike says that Brian's mom will need a little time to get used to it. "What, that her baby boy sucks hot, hard cock?" Emmett asks. "And loves it," Ted adds. Brian says his mom's probably praying for his soul right now, "with Reverend Buttfuck." He made the joke, not me. Brian says that his mother trusts and loves the Reverend more than she trusts and loves Brian. Ted says that God still loves Brian no matter what. Brian says he doesn't give a shit what God thinks of him, and that God should be more worried about what Brian thinks about God. Brian says that in all of this "cold, dead universe," we're the only ones who know God exists. Without us, God's nothing. Ted and Mike and the editors give us a second to let it really sink in what the writers all think about religion.

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Queer as Folk U.S.

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